


Every Time I Hear Your Name

by AgentOfShip, LibbyWeasley



Series: Blanca, Libby, and Sabrina Do Kink Bingo [8]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, F/M, Fitzsimmons apart, Fluff, Happy Ending, Sci-Ops Era (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), Science and Romance, Season 1, Smut, Some angst, Very happy ending, but it's all for a good cause, but they don't ever forget each other, they try to get over each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23920135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentOfShip/pseuds/AgentOfShip, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibbyWeasley/pseuds/LibbyWeasley
Summary: Fitz and Jemma are assigned to separate offices after graduating from the Academy. Their years apart shape the people they become...but will they find their way back to each other?
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Series: Blanca, Libby, and Sabrina Do Kink Bingo [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615822
Comments: 208
Kudos: 154
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of this fic was written for @mcukinkbingo for the square "safe, sane, and consensual." I wrote this chapter back in January and got distracted by other projects, but hopefully it won't take me too long to write the rest. This fic starts with a bang, but then there will be some plot before there is more...banging :)
> 
> A big thank you to @blancasplayground for listening to me talk about this fic and to @agentofship for the beta. They are both the very best <3 This is the last fic I'm posting for our kink bingo card as well, which is a little sad because we had so much fun plotting out these squares :)

**Six Weeks Before Graduation**

“Congratulations, _Agent Simmons_. Once you officially graduate in six weeks you’ll be assigned to the San Francisco office.” Dr. Weaver’s tone was cool and professional, as always, but Jemma thought she detected a note of pride in the other woman’s voice. 

She couldn’t help the smile spreading over her face at the words. Agent Simmons. San Francisco. This is what she’d worked so hard for. But then the words replayed in her mind. 

“And Fitz?” she asked eagerly, suddenly desperate for confirmation. 

“Will not be joining you.”

“What?” It hadn’t even crossed her mind that they wouldn’t be assigned together. They were a team. They worked better together...and everyone knew it. “But —“

“After reviewing your request, we decided to assign you to separate projects...and offices.”

“We work better together,” Jemma insisted, though she knew Agent Weaver was well aware of that fact. She was the one who had first assigned them as lab partners, after all.

“You do work well together. I have never seen two scientists work the way you do. I believe your partnership is the reason why you’re both graduating early.”

“Then why?” Jemma was perplexed. Agent Weaver was logical. Certainly she could see that it was a benefit to SHIELD if their scientists were working to their full capabilities. Which was what she was able to do when she was with Fitz. To see things she’d never be able to see on her own. 

Agent Weaver set down the paper in her hand and leveled Jemma with a look. “You work so well with each other that you haven’t worked with anyone else in two years.”

Jemma smiled again, in spite of her uncertainty about the future. Thinking about Fitz always brought a smile to her face. 

“Why would I need to work with someone else when I’ve already found the best partner I could have?”

Agent Weaver raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow, as if Jemma was supposed to be able to draw some sort of conclusion from that data. “That’s fine as a student at the Academy. Playing to your strengths was the right choice and it has certainly paid off. Like I said, I’ve never seen anything like the two of you.”

Jemma opened her mouth to object again, but Agent Weaver stopped her. 

“As _agents_ your duty will be to SHIELD. To the projects that SHIELD needs you to work on, with the team you are assigned to. That means working with other people, and right now you work with each other at the exclusion of everyone else. You’ll wash out if you can’t work with your team.”

“I’m sure we can —“

“I’m sorry, Jemma. But that is my decision.”

Jemma pursed her lips, recognizing the air of finality settling around her. The decision had been made and now she had to figure out how to live with it. 

“Where will Fitz be assigned?” She tried to inject some optimism into her voice, but she was certain Agent Weaver hadn’t left them any wiggle room. 

“I can’t share the details of another cadet’s placement with you. But he is free to share that information with you if he chooses.” Jemma nodded, hoping to be able to end this meeting quickly before any more damage was done. This wasn’t the future she had been planning at all. But Agent Weaver continued. “You are both young. Still only 18. You need mentors. Agents who have been in the lab who can help you get your bearings. Maybe even agents who have been in the field…”

Agent Weaver gave her a significant look and Jemma knew she should be flattered. She had tried not to make too big of a deal over her desire to go into the field. It wasn’t like there was much call for a biochemist. The fact that Agent Weaver knew and seemed to encourage her interest was something that would have excited her on any other day. But not today. 

“Yes, of course. Thank you Agent Weaver.”

As she left Agent Weaver’s office she let the smile fall from her face. Fitz. He wasn’t going to take the news well and she didn’t have any time to warn him. 

As she headed off to class, all she could do was hope that they’d be able to make the best of this. There was certainly a silver lining somewhere if she looked hard enough.

* * *

“...and then she had the nerve to tell me this was in _my_ best interest! Like being away from you could ever be in my best interest.”

Fitz had been getting more and more agitated as he paced back and forth in her room. He was clearly not handling this well at all. Not that she blamed him. She felt the same way. But oddly, his frustration at the situation made her feel better. More grounded. He would miss her just as much as she would miss him. And that mattered. Fitz had been her best friend for the past two years. And he was also something more. He made her heart beat faster when he smiled at her. And he made her skin tingle when he brushed up against her in the lab. 

“It isn’t the end of the world,” she said gently. She owed it to him to be his anchor right now, just as he’d been for her before every exam. “We’ll always be friends.”

“Friends.” Fitz rolled his eyes at the word and it felt like butterflies had taken flight in her chest. They had been dancing around that word for so long she wasn’t even sure what it meant anymore. “I don’t think friends want the things I want with you.”

The words were soft, clearly for himself and not for her, but she heard them as clearly as if he had shouted them. Blue eyes met her gaze and her mouth went suddenly dry. But then he turned away. 

“I guess…” Jemma struggled for words which normally came so easily. “We should make the best of it.”

“Yeah. Not much else we can do.”

“It’s an amazing opportunity. For both of us.” She sat down on the edge of her bed and patted the spot next to her. “Just think of the projects you’ll be working on. You wouldn’t have time for me anyway, even if we _were_ in the same office.”

Jemma tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat. They couldn’t change how things were, so they had to figure out how to get by. And that started today. Fitz paused his pacing directly in front of her and stared down at her with wide eyes. 

“I’ll always have time for you.”

Her heart melted a little more. This wasn’t helping at all. 

“Fitz, I —“ She stood up, needing to be near him, but not knowing what to do. She hated feeling helpless, but all of these feelings were too much for her music box to hold. Sadness, fear, longing, love. “I can’t —“

She would never be sure which one of them moved first, but she was in his arms holding him tightly as their lips met, gently at first but then with increasing intensity as neither pulled away. 

He kissed with the same passion he had for science. His hands moved lightly down her back, sending a shiver down her spine, as his tongue pressed against her lips. She felt a flash of jealousy towards whoever he had kissed before, but it no longer mattered when his grip tightened on her waist and his tongue pressed into her mouth.

They stayed like that until they both needed to breathe, parting just enough for Fitz to rest his forehead against hers, arms still wrapped securely around each other.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

When he finally spoke his words were quiet and the fight was gone from him. She moved beyond his reach and his hands dropped to his sides. 

“Is this,” she asked, gesturing between them, “because you don’t want to lose me?”

She forced her tone to stay light, like she was only politely interested in his response and it wasn’t like every molecule of her being needed him to just want her — no matter if they were together or apart.

“No,” he admitted. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time.”

He looked uncertain, like for some reason Jemma wouldn’t want his kisses. 

“Good. Because I’ve wanted that as well.”

His eyes snapped back to hers and he dragged a hand through his hair. She suddenly wondered how it would feel if it were her fingers tangled in his curls. 

“I’m a bloody idiot. Waiting until it’s too late.”

“It’s not too late,” Jemma interjected, hoping to stop him before he really got going. “We still have six weeks.”

She held her breath, not sure how he would react. It wasn’t exactly how she had pictured it would be. And she had no idea if he had ever pictured anything like this at all. But an idea was forming in her mind. 

“Six weeks?”

“Until graduation,” she clarified. “A long distance relationship is unlikely to be successful. And Agent Weaver is right. We are quite young so our interests and needs are still developing. There isn’t any way of knowing if we will still want this later. But I want this — you— now.”

“And what is this, exactly?” Fitz licked his bottom lip and Jemma wanted to kiss him again to wipe away all of that uncertainty.

“A romantic relationship. For the next six weeks.” She reached out to take his hands. 

“A romantic relationship? With me?”

“What? Yes, of course with you.” Exasperation threatened to overcome her desire and she started to pull away.

“Wait...hold on.” One of Fitz’s hands cupped her cheek before sliding into her hair and Jemma let her eyes drift closed. “So, six weeks?”

“Hmmm?” His fingers felt wonderful and it was very distracting. 

“We’ll be, ah, together for the next six weeks? And then?”

“And then we’ll be in different cities working on different projects.” The truth was still hard to take, but at the moment, with Fitz touching her and the promise of more delicious kisses, she couldn’t bring herself to care as much.

“And we’ll be friends.”

“Of course we’ll be friends. Our bond is too strong for a little bit of distance to change anything.” She opened her eyes. “But I think we should promise each other that we won’t let ourselves be held back by something we can’t have.”

“Yeah. Yeah…’course.”

“We have six weeks. Let’s just enjoy them.”

She could feel him hesitate and she searched for something to say that would reassure him, but before she could his lips were on hers again and further words became unnecessary.

* * *

The next six weeks were everything that Jemma had dreamed they could be. They spent their days working in their lab, tinkering with some final projects before they graduated. They attended classes and took exams, though at this point there really wasn’t any doubt about their future placement. 

Spring was finally taking hold after the long winter and Jemma dragged Fitz out into the sunlight to study as often as she could. The light breeze and the sun on her face brightened her mood. As did what happened behind closed doors. While they tried not to overtly engage in public displays of affection, as soon as they were alone she got to see an entirely new side of Fitz. 

He’d pull her into his arms and they’d spend hours tangled up with each other while movies played in the background. Sometimes they’d even watch a movie. Or venture out of her dorm room, holding hands as soon as they were off campus. But it was never enough. She always wanted to get closer to him. She was sometimes even tempted to reach out to him while they were working in the lab. But that was a line neither one of them was willing to cross. The lab was sacred. 

But entirely too soon it was their last night together with graduation looming over them in the morning. In some ways she had started to understand Agent Weaver’s reluctance to assign them together. Being with Fitz was all-encompassing. She wanted to be with him more than anything. Almost more than she wanted to leave him and keep working for SHIELD. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from asking him to run away with her. Certainly the two of them were more than capable of making their own way in the world, using their skills outside of SHIELD. But she knew that was just her fear talking. Once she settled into her new life she would undoubtedly laugh at the thoughts she was having now. 

And they were still young. They had time. If they were meant to be together, they would be. And in the meantime there was so much of life she still wanted to experience. 

“So, this is it, I guess.” Fitz was standing awkwardly next to her neatly packed boxes, his hands shoved into his pockets. 

“It’s not the end, Fitz. I promise to do my best to stay in touch. It can’t be that difficult. If I can’t Skype, I can always text...or email.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He smiled crookedly at her. “You know how I am with change. It’s just that everything will be different tomorrow.”

“Different can be good,” she said gently. The closer the moment came, the more excited she was about all of the possibilities. Finally living on her own. Working as a serious scientist. Being without Fitz was the only downside she could see. 

Moving closer with deliberate steps as he watched her, she pressed her body against his, emboldened by the look in his eyes.

“If tonight is our last night together, let’s make it count.” She pitched her voice low so he’d have to lean in to hear her, and she thought it came out just the right side of sultry. 

His eyes widened as she shifted her hips, rubbing against the bulge in his trousers. 

“You mean…” He swallowed. “You mean we should do —“

“Have intercourse. Yes.” Jemma nodded. “It seems like something we both want.”

“Yes...I mean, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Jemma kissed him then, banishing any trace of uncertainty that might still be lingering. She’d thought about this for the last six weeks. Longer if she was being honest. 

They started slowly, hands moving over clothes and lips sliding tentatively. But then Fitz’s hands tightened on her hips and Jemma couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her lips. That was enough to spur them both into action. 

Fitz’s lips moved down her neck as he flicked open the buttons of her blouse and Jemma returned the favor, hastily pushing his shirt off his shoulders once she’d undone all the buttons. She hadn’t gotten used to seeing him like this — slightly disheveled with his lean muscles right there for her to trace her fingers over. He shivered at her light touch and sucked a love bite onto her skin. His tongue dipped into the cup of her bra and she impatiently tugged her bra off, urging his lips towards her nipple. 

The first swipe of his tongue across her tightened peak sent a jolt straight to her center and his continued attention as he licked and sucked first one breast and then the other made wetness pool between her thighs. She had a temporary thought for how he had learned to do this, but it floated away as quickly as it had appeared. Her hips started circling, her body seeking friction and she groaned in frustration. Fitz’s tongue continued doing something sinful and her skin fairly tingled before she pulled at his hair.

He looked up, disoriented, and Jemma pulled him, unresisting, to the bed where she pushed down her jeans and knickers before slowly unbuttoning his trousers. From his seat at the edge of the bed, his eyes caressed her curves. She knew she had nothing to worry about, but the naked desire on his face helped fan the flames burning inside her.

“You’re beautiful, Jemma.” The words were almost a whisper across her skin as she leaned closer to tug at his trousers. Fitz lifted his hips to help and then they were both naked.

As much as she wanted tonight -- this moment -- to last forever, she also wanted him inside her very badly. Opting for expedience, she settled on his lap, a knee on each side of him, and kissed him eagerly. She wanted to experience every bit of him, but his cock sliding insistently against her was demanding her attention. 

She pulled her lips away from his to gasp, “Condom.”

He kissed her again before she could move, his hands stroking down her back to hold her in place. She shifted her hips over him until he moaned and finally broke the kiss. 

“Not fair.”

“Of course it is, I --”

But before she could finish her thought, he rolled them over so she was beneath him, their legs dangling off the end of the bed. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but now she could feel his body on top of hers, his weight holding her in place, and his blue eyes looking down on her. It was almost perfect. Or as perfect as she expected it to be. One last, wonderful memory to hold onto until she saw him again.

He nudged at her entrance, his cock bumping against her clit, and she pushed at his shoulder to remind him about the condom.

“Right...condom.”

“I’ll get it.” She started to get up, but he stopped her.

“No, you stay right where you are.”

She smiled at his confidence and scooted back to a more comfortable position on the bed as he took the small package from her dresser. He had obviously spotted it earlier. She tilted her head to the side as she watched him, thinking about how differently their relationship would have evolved if they had been assigned together as they had requested. They would have gotten here eventually, she had no doubt, but certainly not now. Not tonight. They would be graduating tomorrow as the friends they had always been, ready to face their next adventure together.

Now, they’d both be leaving following the ceremony -- her to San Francisco and him to Boston -- but they had something else. A different kind of bond. Surely that wouldn’t disappear just because they weren’t in the same city.

He smiled shyly, and looked to her for confirmation before coming any closer. She nodded and let her knees fall apart slightly, closing her eyes to mask her embarrassment. This was Fitz, which was comforting...but also terrifying. He already knew her so well, and now they would learn this one last thing about each other.

The heat of his body next to hers and his hand skimming over her stomach brought her back to the moment and she pulled his face to hers to kiss him hungrily. His body settled down on hers and she guided him between her thighs. He hesitated before positioning himself over her, and she reached down to help him, stroking his cock a few times before he hissed.

“Sorry.”

“No, ah, it’s just...it won’t be very good for you if you keep doing that.”

“Oh.”

“Did you still --” He tilted his head towards where they were almost joined.

“Yes, of course.” They both wanted this and were using a condom. There was no reason not to proceed. She tilted her hips and he moved closer to where she wanted him. “Please?”

She could feel the tension in him as he slowly slid inside her, her wetness easing the way. He was being so careful the waiting was almost like torture, his movements creating the friction she needed, but not nearly enough. She finally wrapped her legs around him and pulled him more fully inside her. The slight burning sensation caught her off guard and she tensed. Fitz dropped his head to her shoulder.

“Alright, Simmons?” he asked between clenched teeth. His reversion to her last name, the name he’d been calling her for years, in this moment made her heart swell. No matter what happened, they’d still be themselves. He’d still be Fitz and she’d still be Simmons, but together as they were now they’d be something else entirely.

She wiggled her hips beneath him, trying to get more comfortable, but the pain was already fading.

“Yes, yes of course.”

He started moving then, slowly at first, like he was trying to figure out how they fit together. 

“Right there, Fitz.” Wetness flooded her again as his cock hit something inside her that sent small tremors through her. “Faster.”

He followed her direction as they both rocked against each other, a sheen of sweat covering their bodies as they teetered into something unknown.

“Jemma...Jemma, I --”

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, her mind spinning out of control as sensations bombarded her. She needed something...just something more. 

Using her legs as leverage, she pulled him against her harder and kissed him, plunging her tongue into his mouth. He thrust against her faster, almost roughly, and finally the dam burst. Tremors shook her, radiating from her center as her inner muscles pulsed around him. A few moments later Fitz let out a curse and a moan, and Jemma knew he’d climaxed as well. Breathing heavily, he rolled to his side and Jemma tucked herself against him, enjoying his warmth.

Tomorrow meant starting over. Starting over with new jobs, new friendships, new experiences. Whatever was between them would stay here, but whatever happened, she knew they’d be alright. And someday they’d be together again. They were both talented and driven. SHIELD would see sooner or later that they needed to work together. And then… Well, and then they’d see if they still fit together the way they did now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying goodbye to Jemma might be the hardest thing Fitz has ever done, but he moves forward with his life the best he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked on this fic for the WIP Big Bang, so I'll be posting chapters 2 through 12 between now and September 19. I've never written an entire fic before posting it before, so I'm really excited to see what everyone thinks!
> 
> Thanks to the amazingly talented @agentofship for beta'ing AND doing the art! It's beautiful <3

Everything that morning felt like it was moving in fast forward. Waking up with Jemma had been perfect. She’d been wrapped in his arms and woken him up with kisses all over his face. Memories of the night before came rushing back and their kisses had become more heated. It was like a dream, but he knew it was real. It had really happened and they were still wrapped up in each other. He could have stayed in that moment forever.

Everything after that had been shite.

The alarm had rudely sounded, reminding them that their real life awaited. Whatever they had — what they’d had — was going to be filed away for the good of SHIELD. All because Dr. Weaver didn’t think they could handle working together. They were both leaving immediately following graduation so there had been last minute packing to finish — on his part — and they’d both had to shower and get dressed. It wasn’t every day that they’d graduate from the Academy. 

But the more the day slipped away from him, the more everything felt wrong. And now here he was, sitting a few rows in front of her, wondering if they were making a huge mistake.

SHIELD was big. It was the opportunity he’d always wanted. A way to make a difference in a world that sometimes felt too big for him. He’d never fit in anywhere. But he’d made a home at the Academy. He’d proven himself again and again. Ideas came easier. He worked faster. His thoughts were more ordered.

But his feelings for Jemma were even bigger. The last six weeks had been the best of his life. They’d spent all their time together. That part wasn’t new. But the kissing and cuddling certainly was. The feeling of complete peace. 

And then last night…

But his graduation ceremony definitely wasn’t the place to think about _that_. He’d almost tried to put his feelings into words last night and again this morning. But every time he’d looked into her eyes he saw her excitement for the future. She had feelings for him. He didn’t doubt that. They were best friends. He saw the way she smiled at him and how she listened to him even when she didn’t agree — even if it was just so she could carefully explain why he was wrong. But even that was something they did together. 

He loved her. He was almost sure of it. That warm feeling in his chest when she was near, the way her touch made him feel like everything would be alright, even the way they seemed to work as one. He owed it to her to tell her how deep his feelings were. This was something they should talk about, figure out together. 

“Fitz.” His name was hissed by the cadet next to him and he realized he was meant to be walking across the stage.

He hastily got to his feet and shuffled across the stage, shaking hands with Dr. Weaver as he went. As he returned to his seat, he caught a glimpse of Jemma. When their eyes met she smiled at him and mouthed “congratulations.”

He would tell her. Just as soon as this ceremony was over.

* * *

“Jemma, there you are.”

Plastic cups of punch and child-sized cookies had been laid out for a quick celebration of the newly minted SHIELD agents. All that effort and they only merited plastic cups. In every version of this day that he had imagined over the last two years, it hadn’t looked like this. 

He’d wasted precious minutes trying to find Jemma after the ceremony, which had made him a little cranky. Jemma always knew what he was thinking. Or at least most of the time. She had to know he wanted a chance to say goodbye to her properly, even if she didn’t know exactly what was on his mind. His mood turned even darker when he saw who she was talking to. Milton. Of all people, he was missing out on his last moments with Jemma because of Milton! It had to be some sort of cosmic joke.

“Fitz! We did it.”

Jemma turned and launched herself at him. He got his hands up just in time to steady her so they both didn’t tumble to the ground. Her embrace was warm and she didn’t let go immediately, tucking her head against his shoulder. He inhaled, breathing her in, and everything moved back into focus.

When she released him he felt much calmer, and when she reached for his hand he felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Her eyes were bright and her smile was wide. 

He wanted to drag her out of sight of prying eyes and kiss her until she promised to never leave him.

But then she used her grip on his hand to pull him into her conversation with Milton.

“You’ll never guess where Milton has been assigned,” Jemma chattered, glancing towards Fitz. “Boston! Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Wonderful. Yeah.” It was the least wonderful thing he had ever heard. Milton was a biologist. If they needed a biologist in Boston, then Jemma would have been a much better option.

“Hey, maybe we’ll work together.”

Fitz grunted noncommittally and Jemma frowned at him.

“I bet you’ll be working on some really exciting projects,” Jemma continued. “I plan to start building my network as soon as possible. It’s never too early to meet the right people to move up —“

“Jemma.” Fitz cut her off. “Can I speak to you? Alone?”

He tried to wiggle his eyebrows in Milton’s direction, but wasn’t sure he’d quite managed it.

“Yes, of course.” A look of worry crossed her face before she directed her attention back to Milton. “Congratulations again. Make sure you keep in touch.”

“I will,” Milton promised. 

Before the conversation could continue any longer, Fitz headed toward a spot slightly out of the way where they hopefully wouldn’t be interrupted. There were streamers hanging from the ceiling, but there was a little alcove where the hallways didn’t quite come together that was unoccupied. He’d always thought it was a bit of an architectural eyesore. What kind of person had designed the Academy that they couldn’t even make sure the building lined up properly? But today he was grateful for the mistake. 

“Where are we going?” Jemma asked. She sounded amused. Luckily. 

“Ah, just...over here.”

He ducked out of sight and she stood across from him. They weren’t touching. They weren’t even close enough for there to be anything suspicious about their actions. They were best friends, after all. But Fitz felt heat rise on his neck. _He_ knew it wasn’t just an innocent goodbye between friends. 

“Jemma...I —“

“This is a great idea, Fitz.”

“It is?” Did she really mean what he thought she meant? How did she even know what he was going to say? Although he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised at this point.

“Yes, of course.” She smiled at him and everything was right again. All his confusion and doubt cleared. This was so right. There was no possible way they could just walk away from each other now. “We need to say goodbye. I’m going to miss you so much.”

He froze as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He’d wanted to talk, to explain to her that together they could be unstoppable. But she wanted to say goodbye. All the words he had so carefully prepared disappeared from his mind as he returned her embrace. He couldn’t do it. It would be incredibly selfish to put that on her after they’d agreed. Six weeks to be together and then a clean break. An opportunity to grow, to see who they were when they weren’t together. They’d been a single unit for so long it was sometimes hard to remember that she’d only been in his life for the last two years. 

He stroked a hand over her hair. 

They’d agreed to take their assignments, to work on different projects, make new friends...even date other people. But Fitz didn’t need to do that. He knew that nothing would ever change the way he felt right in that moment, Jemma held tightly against him as they said their goodbyes. 

Tears threatened, and he pulled back to wipe a hand quickly over his eyes. 

“It’s not forever,” she said quietly. 

“Yeah, no, I know. It’s just that...well, it really came up quickly didn’t it? Graduation?”

“Yes, it did.” She was sympathetic, but he could already feel that he was losing her. She was so much better at compartmentalizing than he was. It really wasn’t fair. It was like she took all her feelings and hid them away. “But we’ll keep in touch.”

“Yeah. ‘Course...just we'll be busy with new jobs and new lives.”

“Don’t be silly, Fitz. We’ll make time for each other. Always.” She sounded so sure that he felt a little better about everything and didn’t say another word. No need to stir things up now. 

They stayed together until the alarm on her phone started beeping.

“Time to go to the airport.”

He held onto her hand as she pressed kisses over his face. He shifted slightly and her lips landed on the corner of his mouth. His eyes drifted closed and he breathed in deeply. Maybe…

But she was gone.

* * *

Fitz woke with a start and sat up, looking from side to side in the unfamiliar room until he recognized where he was. His new apartment. He laid back down, ignoring the twinge in his back. A sleeping bag on the floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, but it wasn’t like he’d had time to buy furniture. 

He closed his eyes again, ready to fall back asleep, when he shot up again. His phone. The buzzing that woke him up was coming from his phone. He groped around beside him, pushing his shirt out of the way before digging through his trouser pocket. He’d been so knackered when he’d finally gotten inside the apartment that he’d just unrolled the sleeping bag and shucked off his clothes before going to sleep. 

He glanced at the time before opening the text. 7:00. Good thing his phone had woken him or he might have overslept. 

Jemma: Good morning!

Just seeing her name on his phone brought a smile to his face. He could picture her saying those words to him since she’d done so hundreds of times. Though usually it was accompanied by a cup of tea. 

Which reminded him he didn’t have any tea. He’d have to stop on the way home. 

Fitz: Bloody hell! It must be 4 in the morning for you.

Jemma: It’s our first day. It’s important to make a good impression. 

Fitz: You have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you.

His fingers hovered over his phone for a second. It would be so easy to add “like I do.” But he didn’t and instead hit send before getting up to start his day.

* * *

Fitz assumed the Boston office was an interesting place where important work was being done. But he wouldn’t know from the parts of it he’d seen so far. 

“Fitz, buddy, there you are.”

He would have snorted at the sound of Milton’s voice, but he was entirely too tired, never having managed to get that cup of tea this morning. 

“Yeah. I’m still here.”

They’d been working their way through piles of paperwork from HR, introductions from groups of people Fitz was certain he’d never see again, and the most perfunctory tour of the campus that he could have imagined. He was an engineer, and more than ready to get to work. He didn’t need to know the location of every bathroom in the building. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and glared at it. There had been a few more texts from Jemma. Friendly texts. The kind that returned his equilibrium a little bit. 

But nothing for the past few hours. Which made sense since she was at work. She’d probably already made new friends, while he was stuck with Milton, who was quickly becoming his least favorite person in the world. 

“What are you going to get for lunch?”

They had one last orientation activity — lunch in the cafeteria with the new employees and some of the team leaders — before they’d be assigned to their projects, and Fitz would finally be rid of Milton. 

“Salad. Definitely a salad.”

Whenever Milton had tried to get Jemma’s attention, they’d always made fun of him afterwards for the way he’d agree with anything she said. The memory made him smile. 

And now he really wanted to see if that was just for Jemma or if Milton would actually agree with anything anyone said to him. Just as an experiment. He was a scientist after all. 

“That’s a great idea. Healthy. Not too heavy.”

Milton clapped a hand on his shoulder and Fitz made an effort not to lose his balance before Milton made his way to the salad bar. Fitz turned and headed in the opposite direction. He needed caffeine to start with. And then he’d worry about food. 

By the time he sat down at the table, Milton was seated at the opposite end, already halfway through his salad and deep in conversation with the woman next to him. 

Fitz took the last empty chair, depositing a tray weighed down with food on the table in front of him. At least it looked like he wouldn’t have any trouble finding something to eat. 

“Dr. Fitz.” The man seated beside him held out a hand. “I’m Dr. Marten. I’m the engineering team lead.”

Dr. Marten reminded Fitz of his professors at the Academy. His gray hair was neat and his smile was friendly. 

“Pleased to meet you, sir.”

“And I’m pleased to meet you. I’ve heard wonderful things about you.” Fitz’s face must have shown some of the surprise he felt because Dr. Marten continued. “It isn’t every day that we have the youngest graduate in the history of the Academy join our team.”

“Oh, well, technically I’m not the _youngest_...that’s Jemma. But I guess I’m the second youngest.”

He closed his mouth before he could babble any more. He didn’t need to embarrass himself before he even started his work. 

“Jemma?” Dr. Marten frowned and Fitz rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. 

“Ah, Simmons.”

“Oh, yes.” Dr. Marten’s face cleared and Fitz let himself relax. “Dr. Simmons. Yes, it would have been quite a coup to have her join us as well, but alas, another office has gained her talent.”

A fresh wave of longing passed through him. It was like just hearing her name brought back all of his memories of her. It was fine. He was fine. He could call her tonight. He’d hear her voice again and they’d share everything about their respective days. So he better pay attention so he had something to tell her. 

Searching for something to say, he finally landed on, “I’m really excited to get started on some real work.”

He didn’t think he imagined the twinkle in Dr. Marten’s eye. “Was orientation not up to your expectations?”

“No, it was...I mean —“

“That’s quite alright. I’d be worried if you found the building tour stimulating. I have much better things in mind for you.”

“Yeah?” Fitz asked excitedly. “Like what?”

He chuckled. “I appreciate the enthusiasm. I have a few project teams I can add you to, so you can get a feel for how we do work here. It isn’t like being at the Academy.”

Fitz had a moment’s pause. Maybe Dr. Weaver had been right. Not that he’d ever say those words out loud. Then he realized that Dr. Marten was still talking and forced his attention back to the conversation.

“I have had a project sitting on our ideas list for awhile now. Might be the perfect project for you to cut your teeth on.”

Fitz felt the familiar thrill of excitement at starting a new project. And this time it wasn’t for a class assignment, but for tech that would be helping agents in the field. He, Leopold James Fitz, would be helping to save the world from things that most people would never see. It was thrilling. 

“What kind of project? My specialties are —“

“It is provisionally called the mouse hole. I know it might not sound like an exciting project, but some of the agents think they are being funny when they name things.”

Dr. Marten shook his head, smiling good-naturedly. But Fitz thought it was the best name he’d ever heard. 

“The mouse hole. Sounds fascinating.”

Fitz dug into his lunch. He couldn’t wait to finish eating so he could see where he’d be working and start reviewing the documentation on the mouse hole. His very own project. Jemma was going to be so jealous.

“Oh, and I heard you enjoy collaborating with biochem to do research and design.”

“Yeah.” He thought about Jemma for a second and their lab back at the Academy before shaking his head. “I mean, yes. I worked closely with a biochemist at the Academy.”

“I’ll reach out to Dr. Jones in biology. See if she has any projects you can work on with Dr. Milton. That way you’ll have a friendly face.”

Fitz glanced down the table at Milton and tried not to let his distaste show. He had never quite understood how Milton had gotten into the Academy — let alone graduated. It had always seemed like he was more interested in making friends than doing his job. And from the way he was chatting animatedly with everyone at the other end of the table, it seemed like that hadn’t changed. 

“Oh...great.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months later, Jemma's ready to change the world, but her new boss isn't giving her the opportunities she deserves. Jemma decides to take things into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art and beta by the wonderful @agentofship <3

_Six Months Later_

Music sounded through the small speaker on her alarm clock and Jemma smiled as she rolled over to shut it off. Sunlight slipped through the blinds. Another beautiful morning...and another opportunity to prove herself. She started her morning routine, humming to herself as she ran on the treadmill, took a shower, and got ready for work. It had been six months since she’d moved here and her flat was really starting to feel like home. It was her first time living alone and she found she quite enjoyed it. With every paycheck that was deposited into her bank account, she’d added something. A throw pillow. A touch of color on the walls.

She smiled into the mirror as she blotted her lipstick. In the reflection of the mirror she could see the quote hanging on the wall, “The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.”

As they often did, her thoughts drifted to Fitz. She wondered again what he was working on and if it was more interesting than the perfectly ordinary, routine analyses she was doing day after day. After the projects they’d worked on together at the Academy she’d had dreams of starting in her first professional lab and making important scientific breakthroughs. Instead she was stuck doing the same rudimentary tests over and over again. It was maddening. And a waste of her talent. 

Her finger hovered over his name before she dropped her phone into her bag. He would already be at work so she shouldn’t bother him. Tonight was the time they set aside for their weekly call anyway. She could wait. Hopefully neither one of them would have to cancel this time. Starting new jobs in different time zones had made it every bit as difficult to keep in touch as they had worried it would be. But they still made time whenever they could. Her smile faltered a little as she tried to remember the last time she had actually spoken to him. They texted throughout the week, but it was so impersonal. Not at all like hearing the way he said her name. Or seeing the expression on his face when he got excited. Or when his expression softened right before he leaned in for a kiss…

She shook her head, clearing the daydreams from her mind as she locked the door behind her and started the walk to work. The air was crisp and a little fog hung in the air, but the sun was doing its best to push through. By the time she reached the nondescript building that housed SHIELD’s San Francisco field office, it was already warming up. Pulling her ID badge from her bag, she clipped it to her blazer and made her way through security.

“Good morning, George!” Her favorite security guard was on duty this morning and she didn’t have to force the smile to her face. “How is your wife?”

“Doing much better, Dr. Simmons. I told her what you said and it made all the difference.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He waved her through the metal detector and she grabbed her bag before heading upstairs. Her workstation was in the large, open bio lab, and she waved to a few of her co-workers as she made her way to the little cube furthest from the window. Maybe today would be the day things would change.

* * *

Six hours later Jemma was certain today wouldn’t be the day her talent would be recognized unless she made something happen. From her tour on the first day she knew that the labs on the 3rd floor were where the development work was done. That was what she wanted to be doing — working on projects that would directly support agents in the field. She might have been trained as a pure researcher, but her years working with Fitz had given her plenty of practice on developing applications for her research. They had even had several hypothetical discussions about tech they wanted to work on once they had the resources of a full SHIELD lab. 

Out of habit she reached for the phone tucked into the pocket of her lab coat and ran her fingers over the keys. But she didn’t need to talk to Fitz to know what he would say about this. He would tell her she was the smartest person he knew — after himself, of course — and that she could do anything she put her mind to. 

“Simmons?”

“Hmmm? I mean, yes, Agent Parker? Is there something I can help you with?”

“Jenny. And this is Michael.” She gestured to the man beside her and Jemma smiled in greeting. “And yes. A bunch of us are going to O’Malley’s for trivia night. Did you want to join us?”

Part of her wanted to jump at the thought of going out. Take the chance to blow off some steam. Maybe even seek out a romantic partner. But not yet. She wasn’t ready. 

“Tonight? I’m afraid I have plans tonight.”

“That’s too bad.”

Jenny actually did look disappointed that Jemma couldn’t make it and she bit her tongue not to say she could reschedule her call with Fitz. 

“If you change your mind, come find us. We’ll be there until they kick us out.”

Jemma nodded as Jenny walked away. She had a feeling of being in limbo. Not with Fitz. Not at the Academy. But also not fully a part of her new life. 

She bit her lip, waiting for the results to display on the screen. Maybe just a quick conversation with her supervisor would sort things out. It was possible it was some sort of test. See which agents would take the initiative and which would stay in the shared lab space doing monotonous sample analysis until they died of boredom. 

Feeling better about her plan, she pulled off her gloves and dropped them in the bin before setting her safety goggles carefully on the lab bench. Before she could talk herself out of it she started walking towards the offices that lined the outer walls of the lab. Dr. Wiseman’s office was on the opposite side of the space and Jemma walked with a confidence she didn’t quite feel. As long as she kept moving and didn’t stop to think about what she was about to do, then she wouldn’t be able to second guess herself. 

But it was just her luck that Dr. Wiseman was already deep in conversation with someone else. The office door was ajar and Jemma patiently waited outside, trying not to rock back and forth on her heels. Snippets of the conversation floated through the open door.

“...the immune response isn’t as strong as we’d hoped. It seems to work in some trials, and not in others.”

Jemma couldn’t see the speaker, but she recognized the voice of Sally Webber. Sally had been at the Academy with her and was a passable scientist at best. There was no reason for Jemma to be stuck doing routine analysis when _Sally Webber_ had a more exciting project.

“Continue working on the antiserum and send me your report on Friday after the team meeting. That’s all.”

Jemma’s mind flitted through ideas as Sally stood and walked towards the door. Before she could consider moving away from the door so it wasn’t completely obvious that she’d been eavesdropping — some field agent she’d make — Sally was in front of her and words were tumbling out of Jemma’s mouth. 

“I did my dissertation on synthesizing antiserums.”

Dr. Wiseman looked up and Jemma winced. But her mouth worked faster than her brain could advise her not to.

“It has been shown that there is greater efficacy if the delivery mechanism is specifically calibrated to the antiserum.” Her voice was pitched too high, the words tripping over one another, so she made an effort to dial back the excitement that was evident in her voice. “That’s what my research showed anyway.”

Sally’s mouth dropped into an “o” of surprise as Jemma spoke. She didn’t look happy. And a glance towards Dr. Wiseman showed her displeasure as well. 

“Agent Simmons.” The older woman moved quickly towards the door and gestured Jemma inside, while she nodded at Sally to return to her lab. 

The door closed with a click and Jemma sank into the chair in front of Dr. Wiseman’s desk, feeling somewhat like a naughty child. 

Dr. Wiseman sat down behind her desk, her heavy footfalls on the carpeted floor magnifying Jemma’s unease. She sat up straighter, fighting the urge to start apologizing. She was an adult and she had useful knowledge to share. It was why she was recruited. And she’d never been one to hide her expertise. 

“Here at SHIELD, we don’t lurk in doorways.”

It was on the tip of Jemma’s tongue to assure Dr. Wiseman that SHIELD agents definitely lurked in many places, but then she remembered she was already in trouble. 

“Of course. I apologize. I was just waiting to talk to you and I couldn’t help but —“

“And further,” Dr. Wiseman interjected. “It is inappropriate for agents to eavesdrop on conversations that are above their clearance level.”

A heavy weight settled in Jemma’s stomach. That was a more serious charge. She could hardly be penalized for standing too close to a door, but if it seemed like she was trying to access information above her clearance —

“I didn’t...I mean, I didn’t mean to.” The expression on Dr. Wiseman’s face silenced her. She was not a warm woman at the best of times, and Jemma admired her for that. She was a brilliant scientist and she ran all the projects out of the San Francisco office. If she was disappointed, then Jemma knew she was right to feel that way. 

“Nevertheless you did.” Her expression softened a bit, but her tone did not. “I should suspend you —“

“What!” Jemma stood up, ready to make her case.

“Sit down, Agent Simmons.” Jemma dropped back into the chair and snapped her mouth shut. “I _should_ suspend you, but I won’t.”

Jemma breathed a sigh of relief as Dr. Wiseman continued. “I’ve been watching you, monitoring your work. It’s good. Thorough.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wiseman.”

“Until today I hadn’t seen that spark. The excitement that drives innovation. I wish it hadn’t been on a project beyond your clearance, but I’m glad I saw it. I was starting to wonder…”

“Wonder? About what?”

Dr. Wiseman pursed her lips, considering before answering. “Dr. Weaver had assured me you were the best. Wanted me to fast-track your first promotion. But I hadn’t seen what she saw in you.”

Jemma stayed silent, not used to anything less than stellar assessments of her work. Though of course now it was just her work. She had to admit that with Fitz she’d been twice as smart. He’d been a sounding board, motivation to keep going, and her best friend all rolled into one. Now she was on her own. 

“I have a deal for you. If Agent Webber is able to make progress using the information you shared with her today, then I’ll put you in for a promotion. Get you into a lab with some projects of your own.”

“Oh, thank you!” 

“But only if it helps her. Otherwise I’ll just consider you to be the type of person who shirks her responsibilities and eavesdrops.”

“You won’t regret it.” Jemma reached across the desk to pump Dr. Wiseman’s hand up and down a few times.

Dr. Wiseman gave her a small smile. “I’m sure I won’t. Now you should get back to work. Those samples aren’t going to analyze themselves.”

Jemma stood and hurried back to her workstation. The backlog of samples in front of her no longer held the same feeling of drudgery. She’d seen the look of recognition in Sally’s eyes and she was certain that come Friday she’d be getting something new to work on. She couldn’t wait to tell Fitz.

She quickly got back into the routine of analyzing samples and only after she’d cleared all the test tubes from her workstation did she notice she was almost alone in the lab. Late nights in the lab were nothing new to her, but she did miss having someone to spend them with.

The phone in her pocket started buzzing and she carefully finished her observations and made notes in her report before checking her messages. It was nearly time for her call with Fitz, so she’d need to head home if she was going to have time to grab dinner. Hanging up her lab coat and pulling her purse from her desk drawer, she unlocked her phone and scrolled to her messages. 

Fitz! Just seeing his name put an extra bounce in her step. He’d appreciate the progress she’d made today, even if she’d nearly gotten herself fired for her efforts.

Fitz: Hi 

Jemma: Hi yourself. I have news!

She walked quickly from the building and out onto the sidewalk while she waited for his response. Since she had worked late again the streets weren’t as busy as they were during the evening commute so the walk was pleasant.

Fitz: I’m really sorry about this, but I’m not going to be able to call tonight

The smile on her face slipped a little bit. It was to be expected. They were both busy young professionals. Things came up.

Jemma: That’s alright. 

Jemma: I understand.

The little bubble by his name appeared and disappeared a few times, so she could tell he was thinking about what to tell her. She missed the days when they didn’t have to keep secrets from one another.

Fitz: I got pulled onto a project team...and I guess I can’t say any more than that. This is my first big design, so the team is taking me out tonight.

Jemma: That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.

She was. She really was. It wasn’t his fault that he was doing so well and that made her feel a little less useful.

Fitz: Thanks! I couldn’t be happier with how things are going.

Fitz: Except that you aren’t here :(

Jemma wasn’t sure what to say. “I miss you too” didn’t really convey everything that she felt, but it also felt redundant to keep repeating the words. She’d always missed him when they were apart. Just now the distance between them was becoming more than just space. There were parts of their lives that they weren’t sharing with each other. Parts of themselves they were giving to other people. It wasn’t all bad. But it didn’t feel good right now.

Fitz: What’s your news?

Jemma: Nothing important. It can wait.

Fitz: Alright. Have a good night!

Jemma: You too!

She dropped her phone back into her purse and saw that her steps had led her to a restaurant that several of her co-workers kept saying great things about. Part bar, part restaurant, it was a casual, comfortable sort of place. She needed to eat. And of course tonight was trivia night. She squared her shoulders. It was time to make more of an effort when it came to making friends. Part of her had thought Fitz might not be able to handle the distance. Maybe he’d ask her to run away with him, or insist on a transfer...or leave SHIELD entirely so they could be together.

But that hadn’t happened. Instead, he was happy without her and she was getting tired of pretending she was alright with that.

“Jemma! You made it!” 

She was still standing outside of O’Malley’s when Jenny called to her. 

“Yes. I guess I did.”

“Told you she’d be here.” Jenny bumped Michael’s shoulder. “You’re on our team. I have a feeling we’re going to need you.”

Jemma nodded as she was swept inside, happy to not have to overthink things for once.

* * *

Jemma was almost vibrating with excitement after Friday’s staff meeting. She generally didn’t find them quite so stimulating, but sure enough, when Sally’s team presented their status update, they indicated they had made progress. And she was named as a consultant. 

Dr. Wiseman met her eye and gave her a small nod. 

After the meeting, she lingered behind as long as she could, carefully tucking her pens away before slowly making her way towards the door. 

“Agent Simmons, a moment please.”

She waited for Dr. Wiseman to finish her conversation, doing her best not to overhear anything she wasn’t supposed to.

“Thank you for waiting.”

“Of course, Dr. Wiseman.”

“I just wanted to talk to you about what you’ll be working on now.”

“Oh! I have some ideas!” Dr. Wiseman didn’t stop her so Jemma continued. “I’ve been working on bandages that help speed the healing process. They would accelerate the body’s natural repairing tendencies. I was also thinking about continuing my work on antiserums. There is still quite a bit of fundamental work to be done, as I described in detail in my dissertation —“

“Yes, Agent Simmons. That’s all fine.” She waved her hand a little too dismissively for Jemma’s liking, but she decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. “For the time being I’m adding you to the antiserum project. Agent Webber will bring you up to date. And I’ll get you a new lab assignment for Monday.”

“Yes. Yes of course.” 

Feeling like she’d been dismissed, Jemma tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and decided to go talk to Sally. Best to get any awkwardness out of the way now. 

“Oh, and Agent Simmons?”

Jemma turned back around. 

“I’ll allocate 20% of your time to developing new projects. I’m sure we’ll benefit from your technology in the field.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you.”

With a final nod, Jemma fled from the room and ducked into the nearest hallway as a smile broke out over her face. Once she had her emotions under control — or at least as under control as could be expected considering this might be one of the best days of her life — she walked calmly back to her workstation. It would be strange to leave this space. 

Pulling out her phone, the first person she wanted to share the news with was Fitz. But she hadn’t spoken to him since he’d cancelled on her. Instead she clicked on the name at the top of her messages. 

Jemma: I got a project. Do you want to help me celebrate?

Jenny: Absolutely! Just tell me when and where


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after graduation, Fitz is finally settled into his new life. Things are looking up with new friends, new projects, and maybe someone special to share it with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been posting the art on tumblr, but I thought this would be the best chapter to add it here. Sabrina made this amazing art for the fic! It has both Jemma and Fitz in their new lives (trying to move on, but still thinking about each other). Jemma, of course, is putting in extra time at work, and Fitz is spending time relaxing with his friends. No matter how far apart they are, they're never far from each other's minds (or hearts). She perfectly captured them and the way they must be feeling without one another. Sabrina is the very best!
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to @agentofship for her help with the beta and listening to me go on about ideas!

[](https://imgur.com/72o5p4G)

_One Year Later_

It had been six months since he’d been brought onto his first big project, and now he was finally getting a project of his own. His idea. His time. His opportunity to lose. Long days turned into long nights at work. Some of the joy of inventing was gone now that it was a job. There was more of a grind than he had expected. It had been more enjoyable when it had been solely for the excitement of it, for the way ideas flowed back and forth between him and ...his lab partner. 

But that was a different time. A simpler time. A time when he didn’t have deadlines and reports. When he didn’t have to compete for funding and make his boss look good. But that was all part of growing up. They couldn’t live that life forever. And it had been gone as quickly as it had all begun. One day she breezed into his life. And one day she was gone. Too effervescent to hold onto. 

So he’d let her go and did his best to forget how effortless their lives had once been. How easily they worked together and how consuming their partnership was, bridging personal and professional. 

In the end it had been too hard. Too hard to pretend he still didn’t have all those feelings for her. To pretend that he didn’t long for the life they could have had together. Every time his phone buzzed with a text and it was her, his heart beat a little bit faster. Every time he heard her voice on the phone, he thought back to that last night they spent together. He had been driving himself mad. It was enough of a challenge to start a new job and make a place for himself in an organization full of incredibly smart scientists, but having his heart broken day after day stretched him to the breaking point. 

If it had just been him, he would have kept going, but it was Jemma on the other side of the equation. He had promised to try. Promised to live his life and let her live hers. What he was doing, holding onto her like that, wasn’t fair to her, so he had to let her go. He forced himself to make friends, to make plans. And if he didn’t have plans he told her he did. As long as he needed her he knew she’d be there for him. That was who she was. She was always there to comfort him. But now they were thousands of miles apart and he was just holding her back. And he wouldn’t be the anchor that weighed her down. 

But eventually, pretending to have commitments turned into actual commitments. His engineering team became his circle of friends and now he was spending Friday night the way he always did — unwinding after a long week at the bar around the corner from work. He’d even grown used to the constant company of Milton. If anyone had asked him when he was sober, he would have sworn up and down that Milton was the most ridiculous person he’d ever met, but even a little pissed and he’d admit that Milton had become a friend. He was still ridiculous, but a friend nonetheless. 

His fake ID — created using the best technology SHIELD had to offer, after hours of course — gained him entry into all the bars downtown. And his officemates, Mike and Kevin, invited him to join them until he finally gave in. While some of the guys seemed to think they were like the guys in Ops and wanted to play the field, Fitz was content to relax and have a few beers before heading home. 

But tonight was turning into more than he had bargained for as Milton had just broken up with Allison, the barista at the coffee shop next to the office. In an effort to cheer him up, everyone was offering up horror stories about their exes. 

“Your story isn’t that bad,” Kevin insisted. 

“She sent her _new_ boyfriend over to break up with me. The guy she’d been cheating on me with,” James finished with a flourish. 

Fitz took a drink of his beer, just soaking in the conversation around him. He wasn’t quiet by any means, but this wasn’t something he could really contribute to. Inevitably though, Milton’s gaze landed on him. 

“What about you, Fitz?”

“Ah, I don’t really have an ex.”

“What about Jemma?” Milton was clearly a little drunk already. He could be such a lightweight sometimes. But even drunk, Milton had unintentionally hit a place inside Fitz that was still raw and hurt, even after so long.

“Jemma.” He repeated her name slowly, as if trying it out again. He’d been careful not to say it out loud in longer than he could remember. “Simmons isn’t exactly an ex... is she?”

“Fitz, I know you’re young,” Mike said with a laugh. “But you should really know if a girl is your ex or not.”

“She’s your ex,” Milton insisted. “You were together and now you’re not. Man, whatever happened to you two? I really thought you would have been able to hold onto her.”

Fitz’s hands fisted, anger bubbling through him. He really wanted to punch Milton right in his smug face. But honestly, it’s likely all that would accomplish would be to give Fitz sore knuckles. Milton never would have said it sober anyway, so Fitz stayed quiet. 

But their exchange had drawn the attention of everyone else gathered around the table, and Kevin looked between Milton and Fitz speculatively.

“Who’s Jemma?”

Milton waved his drink around, spilling some on the table. Maybe he was more than just a little pissed.

“You know...Jemma. Jemma Simmons.” Fitz tried not to appear interested in Milton’s words, but he let his eyes scan the faces around him. Not one of them seemed to recognize her name. “The youngest graduate the Academy has ever had?”

“I thought our man Fitz here was the youngest graduate.” Mike turned towards Fitz with a question in his eyes.

“Yeah, well, ah, technically Jemma is the youngest. She’s 23 days younger than I am.” Mike looked impressed, so Fitz hastened to add, “But she’s a biochemist, not an engineer.”

“If she’s anywhere near as smart as you, I can see how you ended up with her.” Mike was studying Fitz so he looked away, pretending to be interested in his beer. “Is she the reason why you keep ignoring Molly?”

“Molly? Why would I ignore the lab assistant?”

Laughter echoed around him and Fitz got the impression he was left out of some sort of inside joke. Being the youngest, that had happened to him a lot. He didn’t enjoy the feeling. 

“Because she wants to bang you?” James asked the question as if it was a statement of fact and Fitz shook his head, laughing.

“She doesn’t want to...uh, do that. She’s just friendly.” Molly had always been really nice to him, something he’d appreciated especially when he was new.

“Oh, Fitz. Let me make you a cup of tea,” Kevin said in a falsetto. “Oh, Fitz, your eyes look really blue today.”

“Yeah, man. She eye fucks you whenever you walk into the room,” James agreed.

“What? No, that can’t be...I mean, what?” 

Milton snorted. “See? He’s still so hung up on Jemma that he doesn’t even notice anyone else.”

Fitz glared at Milton. He didn’t want to talk about Jemma. Just hearing her name had made that strange weight sink in his stomach and images of a future that would never be flash through his mind. Whenever he’d thought about life after the Academy, she had always been in that picture. He had seen them working together in the lab, inventing and making the world a safer place. That had been a given. 

But once they’d shared their first kiss he’d imagined so much more. An apartment they’d share. Weekends spent lazing in bed or cuddling on the couch. A house someday. Maybe even children… 

It didn’t matter that they’d had only six weeks together. It didn’t matter that they were young. Nothing mattered except how right it had been to be together.

And in one moment that was all gone. As soon as she’d walked away after graduation, he’d known that was the end. Known there was no point in pining over her -- not that he could actually stop himself. But he could do his best to ignore it. And now Milton wanted to dredge it all up just because he’d gone and gotten his heart broken. That didn’t seem like any sort of reason for Fitz to have to relive the worst part of his life.

Selfishly, he wanted to cling to those dreams to push her into his fantasies with him. That way he wouldn’t have to keep moving forward and could be happy with what they’d had. But if he did that, then he would also be denying the idea that she deserved happiness as well. She deserved so much more than to be the object of his affection. She deserved all the wonderful things life had to offer -- even if it meant that she’d find them with someone else. 

Great. He could feel himself start to tear up. 

“Shut it,” Fitz mumbled. “I’m not hung up on her. We were hardly together --”

“What are you talking about?” Milton was getting louder and Fitz was feeling more uncomfortable with this whole conversation. “You were inseparable the entire time you were at the Academy. Practically joined at the hip, sleeping in each other’s rooms --”

“We were friends, you wanker!” 

Fitz cast a pleading eye around the table and Mike finally took pity on him. It _was_ pity. Fitz didn’t even pretend it wasn’t, but he was grateful nonetheless.

“Good for you, Fitz. Not every man can handle being friends with a woman.” Fitz nodded in relief, ready for the conversation to shift again. “But you know...there is one way to prove Milton wrong.”

James, Kevin, and Mike all gave him slightly concerning smiles, while Milton started laughing maniacally.

“What?” Whatever they wanted would be worth it to end all of this. He’d gotten comfortable spending time with them. He’d hate to have to get all new friends just because they couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to talk about Jemma. 

Bloody hell. Even thinking about her caused little beads of sweat to erupt on his forehead. He wiped a hand over his face. It was bloody hot in the bar tonight.

“Well…” Mike glanced around the table at their friends and it felt like they all leaned in a little closer. “If you want to prove you aren’t heartbroken over this Jemma, then just ask someone else out.”

“Ask Molly out!” Milton yelled, a bit too loudly for Fitz’s taste as several people nearby turned towards him. 

“And that will make you drop it?” he practically growled. 

“Yup.” Mike took a drink from his beer bottle, scowling when he found it empty. 

“Fine. I’ll ask Molly out on Monday. She’ll say no anyway.”

That would show them. Though why he was looking forward to getting shot down he wasn’t sure.

“She won’t say no,” Milton said, patting Fitz on the shoulder. “And even if I couldn’t make Allison happy, at least you can find love. I love you, man.”

Fitz let Milton pat him on the shoulder for a few more seconds and then carefully removed the hand that Milton was now using to hold himself up.

“C’mon, Milton. Time to get you home.”

* * *

Fitz spent the rest of the weekend with a low level of panic brewing just below the surface. He knew he didn’t have anything to worry about. Molly was his friend and after he asked her out he could confess why he’d done it and they could have a good laugh at how ridiculous their co-workers were. 

But another part of him wondered if it wasn’t time. He must have reached some sort of milestone for overcoming a broken heart when he’d managed to tell Milton off instead of acting like a lovesick puppy when Milton had said her name. Molly was attractive. Reasonably smart. Not Jemma smart, but then no one really was. She liked him. At least in a friendly, platonic way. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if she said yes.

But that only brought on another wave of panic as he realized he had no idea how to go about it. With Jemma it had just happened naturally. There had been no need for either of them to ask because they had instinctively known it was time to take the next step in their relationship. And not only did he not know how to ask Molly out, but he had no idea how the rest of it was supposed to work either. Were there rules?

By Monday morning he had decided he couldn’t go through with it. It wasn’t worth it just to be shot down. His friends wouldn’t really want that, would they? But as soon as Molly stopped by to ask him if he wanted to take a break for a cup of tea, Mike started gesticulating madly in Fitz’s line of sight. He pressed his lips into a hard line. Well, that answered that question. The only way to go was forward. 

Giving Molly a nod and a forced smile, he followed her to the break room, trying to find all of his courage. Molly started the tea, leaving him alone with his thoughts for a moment. 

“Are you alright?” she asked, not turning around. “You seem different...quieter today.”

“I’m fine. Yeah, just fine.” He paused, wondering if this was the moment. Maybe it would be easier if she wasn’t actually looking at him. “I was wondering something —“

“Yes?”

“I was…” He cleared his throat and tried again. This shouldn’t be so hard. “I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime. Maybe dinner?”

“I’d love to.” Molly turned to face him, a smile lighting up her features. 

“So, ah, dinner. Like a date?”

Molly giggled. Fitz froze for a second, so unused to the sound. 

“What else would it be?”

“Just wanted to be sure.” It seemed like a good idea to be clear about this sort of thing. “So, maybe Friday? Unless you want to do it before then?”

“Friday is perfect.”

Well, that was a lot easier than he’d thought it would be. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t done this before. It wasn’t scary at all.

* * *

The closer it got to Friday night, the more nerves threatened to make Fitz call the whole thing off. He hasn’t realized it before, but since asking Molly out it had become clear to him that she really was interested in him. And even worse, he was attracted to her. It was ridiculous to think he wouldn’t feel that way about someone else, but it gave him pause that it was yet another woman he had considered a friend. Maybe he’d examine that more closely later. 

But for now, butterflies danced in his chest and he considered the very real possibility that he might be sick.

He looked at his phone one last time. He hadn’t had a message from Jemma in ages, but he’d take it as a sign from the universe not to go out with Molly if Jemma texted him now. 

But, as always, there were no new messages. This really was his chance to prove to everyone — himself included — that he was over Jemma. 

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, he knocked on Molly’s door. 

Their date was how he had always imagined a first date would be. A little awkward at times as they renegotiated their relationship, a little fun, and a lot exciting. Outside of work he felt like he got to know a whole new Molly. He learned she was the youngest of six children and loved her family. He learned that she joined SHIELD to follow in her older brother’s footsteps, and he learned that she was sweet and kind. Well, technically, he had already known that, but the more they talked, the more he realized how true it was. 

Her face was expressive and her eyes seemed to sparkle in the candlelight as they talked. The Italian restaurant was perfect for a first date, according to Milton anyway, and their table was a little out of the way with plenty of privacy and quiet enough to carry on a conversation. 

The glass of wine he drank — thanks to his fake ID — settled his nerves, and by the time he walked Molly home he was thinking that it had been a pretty good first date. 

“I had a really nice time.”

They had made it back to her building when Molly stopped him with a hand on his arm. 

“Yeah...me too.”

“Does that mean you’d like to do it again sometime?”

She looked hopeful when she said the words, like she wanted him to like her. Like she wanted him. It had been a long time since he had considered the idea that there might be women out there who wanted him. 

“Yeah. That’d be nice. But, uh, maybe you can pick the restaurant next time...or if you want to do something else, that’s fine too —“

Fitz was stumbling over his words, nerves returning at full force, but luckily Molly stopped his rambling by gently pressing her lips to his. It was a sweet kiss, hardly more than a featherlight touch to his lips. They weren’t touching except for their lips and it took a few seconds for Fitz to realize what was happening. Before she could pull away and change her mind about wanting to ever see him again, Fitz brought his hands to her cheeks and pulled her back into the kiss. 

Her arms wrapped around him and his lips slid over hers, still gentle. He didn’t want to rush this chance to learn all about her, but he opened to her tongue sliding over his bottom lip. She tasted like cheesecake and strawberries. He explored her mouth, tilting his head so their mouths fit together better, and she moved closer, pressing her body more firmly against his. 

After a time, air became necessary again and they moved apart, both smiling. 

“I’d invite you up...but I know I shouldn’t,” she said with a blush. 

“That’s alright...I should get home.” Fitz knew he was blushing in return, but it really was too soon. He liked her. Maybe they had a future together. But at the moment he had to reconcile the way he felt about Molly, and the way he felt when he was with her, with those long buried feelings he had for Jemma.

It wasn’t the same. It would never be the same as it had been with his first love. But maybe that was okay.

“I’ll see you on Monday.” Molly pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before walking up the stairs to her building. 

“Goodnight, Molly. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Fitz stood in front of her building long after she’d disappeared inside, lost in thought. Eventually he raised a hand to where he could almost still feel the warmth of her lips on his cheek before turning and walking home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after graduation Jemma's life isn't all she had imagined. It might be time for her to update her life goals and find a way back to who she wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to the lovely @agentofship for everything -- the art, the beta, the encouragement <3

_Five Years Later_

Jemma scrolled through the results of yet another failed experiment with her dendrotoxin before sighing. She’d have to start over again. The idea had come to her after one of their weekly staff meetings. One of the strategic priorities for this year was to develop some non-lethal weapons. With more threats coming out of the shadows, field agents needed a bigger arsenal of tools at their disposal. Tools that gave them the advantage were in high demand and the researchers that created them would certainly find themselves in line for a promotion. Maybe even their own lab. After spending the last few years working almost exclusively on antiserum research and studies on human subjects, she was honestly ready for a change of pace.

But her research wasn’t going quite as she’d planned. When she’d gotten approval to work on the dendrotoxin, she’d imagined presenting Dr. Wiseman with a whole set of options — but now, after working on it for the last six months, she still didn’t have anything usable. And even when she had a formula that worked reliably, she had no clue how to deliver the proper dosage to the subject. She’d considered ingestion, a topical solution, or even something injectable, but if a field agent was close enough to do any of those things, they were also close enough not to need a dendrotoxin at all.

Even worse she could tell that Dr. Wiseman was losing patience. She needed to have something tangible for her status report, or she was afraid she’d be moved back to other projects. Jemma worked the rest of the day, not even bothering to break for lunch, and was able to scrape together enough new promising data that she would hopefully impress her boss.

Her phone vibrated and Jemma picked it up to check the message.

Jonathan. Again. It didn’t escape her attention that she became irritated rather than happy when she saw his name on her phone, but she hoped it just had to do with her recent project. She was just stressed, and a rush of endorphins would do wonders for her mood.

They were supposed to meet for dinner, which she’d have to reschedule if she was going to make heads or tails of all this data and compile it into her status report.

But that was fine. Either he’d be alright with it...or he wouldn’t. And she could live with that. If he couldn’t see how important this project was to her, then he probably wasn’t _the one_. Not that she thought there was one “the one.” Just that they weren’t going to last long term if he didn’t value her work the same way she did. So actually this would be a good way to evaluate their relationship.

She quickly messaged him back and set about creating the tables and graphs that would help illustrate her newest idea. Dr. Wiseman seemed to be very receptive to well-organized data, and Jemma was nothing if not well-organized.

* * *

“Dr. Simmons, please have a seat.” Dr. Wiseman gestured to the chair across from her desk and Jemma sat, knowing she appeared more nervous than she’d like. “I have reviewed your work, and I must say that I’m quite impressed.”

“Thank you Dr. Wiseman. I’m quite pleased with the results so far and I have ideas for further research.”

“I have no doubt.” The words weren’t unkind, but Jemma braced herself for what would come next. She figured she wouldn’t like it. “Before you continue your research I’d like to see some potential applications.”

“If you look on page 7,” Jemma said, gesturing to the file in front of Dr. Wiseman, “you’ll see that I have outlined several options, organized in order of likely —“

“I’m not sure how realistic “dart gun” is, Agent Simmons.” Jemma wanted to argue, but Dr. Wiseman gave her a look that made the words die on her tongue. “I have a solution though.”

“You do?” Jemma breathed a sigh of relief. “I appreciate your assistance.”

“Oh, it isn’t my assistance you need,” she said with a little laugh. “I think it’s advisable for you to collaborate with an engineer, so I’ve arranged for SHIELD’s best engineer to consult. I think you’ll work well together and this could be the start of a more permanent relationship.”

For a second Jemma’s mind went blank. SHIELD’s best engineer. There was only one person that could be as far as Jemma was concerned. Fitz. Working with him again would be incredible. She was certain he could help her sort out her application problem in no time. And a “more permanent relationship” sounded like everything she’d been missing for the past five years. She pressed her lips together to try to hold her excitement inside.

It had been her idea for them to have some time to grow up, to learn to live their lives on their own before giving their romantic relationship another try. She could admit now that Dr. Weaver had been right. They were entirely too consumed by each other, and if she’d had the chance to work with him during the day and then sleep in his arms each night, there is no way she would have been interested in anyone else. His brilliant mind was all she needed professionally, and the rest of him, the way he made her feel, the way she felt about him...well, that was all she needed.

“Really? That’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you agree. I think you and Dr. Keltner will get along quite well.”

“Dr. Keltner?” A pit formed in her stomach. The happy feeling that had soared within her moments before came crashing back down. Of course it wasn’t Fitz. She would have heard some word of him if he was considered to be the very best engineer at SHIELD. What was wrong with her?

“Yes. Dr. Keltner has over 20 years of experience working to develop pure scientific research into usable tech. He’s the best we have.” Dr. Wiseman smiled. “It’s a testament to how impressive your report was that I was able to arrange for him to work with you.”

“Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

“I know you won’t.”

Excitement filled her at the prospect of getting her dendrotoxin out into the field. If this Dr. Keltner was the best, then she’d make sure to take full advantage of this opportunity.

* * *

By the end of the next week Jemma was seriously reconsidering her optimism. Dr. Keltner might be good at his job, but she really wouldn’t know. So far all he had done was to ask her to bring him coffee and criticize her organizational system. It was maddening.

“Dr. Simmons?”

“Yes, Dr. Keltner?” Hopefully he was finally ready to get to work.

“I have thoroughly reviewed your research.”

“Oh, good. I have some ideas —“

He cut her off before she could finish her thought.

“I can’t work with this.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s just not practical.” His glasses slid low on his nose, and as he glared up at her and she was struck by the thought that he resembled a stereotypical Hollywood mad scientist. His gray hair was standing in tufts and strands of spittle escaped his mouth when he spoke. “I agree with your assessment.”

“That’s a first,” she said under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing important.”

“I see.” She was certain he didn’t, but that was entirely beside the point.

“Your research is an interesting curiosity, but I’m afraid I don’t see any way to apply it effectively. I’m sure you understand. You detailed the, ahem, limitations quite clearly yourself.”

Dr. Keltner stood, not even bothering to pick up the last cup of coffee Jemma had brought to him. Her hands fisted at her sides, she desperately wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but she wasn’t sure where to start. He had insulted her, her research, her thought process, and even the detail of her reports.

He started to leave and Jemma bit back all the words she wanted to hurl at him, instead choking out, “Thank you for your opinion.”

She managed to hold herself still until he was out of sight, and then slowly counted to ten, taking a few deep breaths. That was supposed to be calming, so why wasn’t she feeling any calmer?

She’d already lost almost a week’s worth of work time in the lab and there wasn’t any way to make it up. Before starting back to work, she decided to go talk to Dr. Wiseman. Might as well get it all out in the open right now before Dr. Keltner submitted his report.

She headed straight for Dr. Wiseman’s office, but the closer she got, the more upset she became. Nothing had changed since last week, except for the opinion of a complete wanker who wouldn’t know a good idea if it bit him in the arse.

Dr. Wiseman’s door was open so she stormed in, not bothering to knock.

“He is intolerable! I can’t believe that’s really the best SHIELD has to offer. I was treated like a glorified barista this week, bringing him coffee with 6 creams and 6 sugars — which is not at all healthy, by the way — only to have him tell me that my research is worthless.”

“Agent Simmons —“ Dr. Wiseman was sitting straight in her chair, mouth slightly open in shock, but Jemma couldn’t stop. It felt way too freeing to just let it all out.

“He’s completely sexist and really not a good —“

“Dr. Simmons!” Dr. Wiseman’s eyes were wide and Jemma’s words finally sputtered to a halt.

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

She saw the confirmation in Dr. Wiseman’s eyes before Dr. Keltner said a word.

“Oh, bloody hell.”

* * *

“I honestly thought I was going to get fired.” She was much more relaxed now that she had a glass of wine and dinner on the way. “But Dr. Wiseman agreed with me, obviously. There is no room for that sort of behavior in the lab. Sent him on his way without even hearing what he had to say about me.”

Jemma took another sip of wine, feeling her worries slip away. “Not that he still won’t submit a written report, but at least now I don’t have to worry about what he might say.”

Jonathan smiled and shook his head. “I just don’t understand it.”

“What?”

“How you can be so invested in your work. I make sure to leave it all behind the second I leave the office.”

Jonathan handled network security for one of the big firms downtown, as he was fond of telling anyone who’d listen. She was attracted to his confidence and how handsome he was in a suit, his well-formed muscles evident beneath the cut of his jacket.

They’d been together for six months, and according to her life plan, drafted on the plane on her first flight to San Francisco, it was time to move forward with this relationship. At this point there were addendums and corrections to her plan, along with a few items checked off. But she needed to keep moving forward. If she wanted to have children it was time to consider marriage. Or at least moving in with her boyfriend if marriage was something they decided they weren’t interested in. And the idea of marriage had certainly never come up with Jonathan.

Of course, it was all much more complicated than it would have been if Jonathan actually knew who she worked for. But he didn’t have clearance for that.

“I can’t really just leave it behind,” she argued, covering now-familiar territory. “I’m doing important work.”

“I know you are.” He smiled and reached out to cover her hand with his. She knew that had been his cue to change the topic, but she wasn’t done.

“It’s just that, well, there is no way _he_ is the best engineer I could have worked with.”

Jonathan sighed. “Yeah? How do you know?”

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his email quickly before setting it down again on the table.

“Well, I used to work with the most amazing engineer. Fitz.”

“Fitz.” Jonathan took another sip from his wineglass. “I think you’ve mentioned him before.”

“Oh? Have I?” Jemma was surprised. She tried to keep herself from thinking about him too much. She certainly hadn’t talked about him.

“On your birthday. When you got wasted. Kept going on and on about your best friend.”

She blinked. She honestly had no recollection of her birthday. But there was no other way for him to know that name.

“What’s so great about him?”

“Fitz? Well, he’s just...just… Fitz.” How could she describe him? Letting herself think about him for the first time in ages, she felt a little lighter. He really was the best engineer SHIELD had — or the best one for her to work with anyway. And aside from a little bit of embarrassment over losing touch with him, there was nothing stopping her from contacting him. “He brought out the best in me, constantly challenged my ideas. We were twice as smart when we were together. We completed, ummm, complemented each other’s...skills.”

She belatedly realized that Jonathan’s expression had morphed from polite interest into something much less indulgent. She’d kept her thoughts of Fitz locked away for so long that she hadn’t even remembered her boyfriend was still there.

“Sounds like he was more than a friend to me.” Jealousy turned his voice harsh and Jemma frowned.

“Well, if you must know, yes. He was more than a friend. But I haven’t seen him in five years.”

“Jesus, Jemma.”

Jonathan took a long drink from his wine glass and signalled to their server for a refill. She hadn’t noticed until right now how his lip curled when he was upset. That was not an appealing characteristic.

“It’s been a long time. He might not be anything like I remember. In fact, I bet he isn’t. People change right?”

Jonathan snorted. Well, that was just ridiculous. If he was that threatened by a mere memory she couldn’t imagine how he’d react to the flesh and blood man. Though after this much time she wasn’t sure how she’d react either. Would the sight of him still send that little tingle through her? Would he say her name like she was something precious? Or would he be a stranger? Five years was a really long time. Her life had changed in so many ways, she was sure she wasn’t still the woman he’d spent the night with before graduation. And she definitely wasn’t the girl he’d first met when they’d started at the Academy.

At the sound of a throat clearing, Jemma focused her attention back on Jonathan.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“I think that’s answer enough.”

“That’s unfair.”

“Is it? Because it seems like you were just sitting here singing the praises of another man and then when I asked you where you saw our relationship going, you couldn’t even be bothered to answer.”

He practically spit the words at her, then turned to smile at the server as she placed their entrees in front of them.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“No, we're just fine. Thank you.”

The smile stayed on his face only for as long as it took him to turn back to Jemma. Then the scowl returned. This was a side of him she hadn’t seen before. And she didn’t like it.

Somehow they made it through the meal, but her interest in dating Jonathan had definitely waned. When he invited her up to his apartment, presumably for the five minutes of missionary he considered making love, she declined, leading to the final argument of their relationship. Her life plan clearly needed some updates.

As soon as she got home she changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt she’d stolen from Fitz back when they were at the Academy. It had been shoved into the back of her closet this whole time, but she’d known exactly where it was, as if it had been waiting for her.

After this week she really had a lot to think about. Things were going well enough at work, but not as well in her personal life. That wasn’t a surprise at all. Pouring herself another glass of wine, she pulled her list out of its place in her desk drawer and smoothed down the wrinkled edges. Some of the items had been neatly crossed out years ago.

~~Furnish apartment~~   
~~Settle into lab~~   
~~Make friends~~   
~~Find takeout close to home~~

Others had been crossed out more recently.

~~Get promotion~~   
~~Long-term adult relationship~~

She pondered that last one for a second. Apparently just being in a relationship wasn’t enough. Part of her had known from the beginning that it wouldn’t last. She compared every man she met to Fitz, and they all fell short. With Jonathan she’d looked outside SHIELD, hoping that if he wasn’t a scientist she’d be able to focus on his positive qualities without drawing comparisons. But that was clearly a lost cause.

There were so many things left on her list.

Work in my own lab  
Supervise a lab  
Pass field assessment  
Go into the field?  
Have kid(s)  
Get married?  
Buy a house  
Travel  
Change the world  
Discover something incredible

Those last two were clearly not measurable and therefore not real goals, but she had been running on adrenaline when she wrote them.

Even though Dr. Wiseman hadn’t even reprimanded her for her behavior this afternoon, Jemma was starting to think that maybe SHIELD wasn’t where she was meant to be. Her career had stalled. Even before her wasted week she hadn’t been getting the opportunities she knew she was capable of handling. She certainly understood working her way up, but it had been five years.

Five years of long days and even longer weeks. Five years of analyzing samples and biding her time. And all she had to show for it was a now ex-boyfriend and a few houseplants to come home to. There were so many things still on her list. Things she wanted to achieve.

Maybe it was time to move on. She could certainly find a job in the private sector with her credentials. And with her own lab she’d have more freedom to follow the path of discovery.

Scribbling a few more things at the bottom of her list, she finished her glass of wine and went to wash it in the kitchen. She’d give herself this weekend to clear her mind, and then she’d start looking for new opportunities. And if those opportunities were outside of SHIELD, then maybe that was the best path for her.

The second item she added wasn’t quite as clearcut, and she wondered if she’d have written it at all if she wasn’t feeling so lonely in that moment. But there was no reason Fitz couldn’t still be a friend. She could call him, catch up on his life. There was a slight pang in her chest at the thought that he could be dating someone...or married. She’d be happy for him, of course, but now that she was thinking of him a million memories came back to her. The edges might be a little fuzzy, and it was entirely possible that she was romanticizing the whole thing, but she didn’t think she was.

Glancing at the clock she saw it was almost 10. Way too late to call him right now, even if he still had the same number after all these years. No, she shouldn’t call him now anyway. Not after three glasses of wine...and a fresh breakup.

She needed time to prepare. Plugging her phone in to charge, she headed to her bedroom.

She had a new plan.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A breakup, a night at the bar, and some news from his boss change Fitz's outlook on his current project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to @agentofship!

“Yes!” 

Even though he was alone in his lab, he couldn’t help celebrating. He’d been working on the bullet casing for so long he hardly thought about anything else, and this was the first time his simulation went perfectly. Every other time the casing had failed to break apart or there hadn’t been enough force from the night-night gun for the bullet to reach its intended target. But not this time. 

He smiled to himself, briefly wistful there wasn’t someone to share this moment with. His thoughts turned to Molly. She’d always been interested in his work, but after their breakup a year ago he hadn’t seen her much. Milton insisted it was because he was the one who got away, but Fitz knew she was the one who had broken up with him. Apparently three years into a relationship was still too soon to talk about marriage and children. In the end they hadn’t wanted the same things, which was fine with him, but he missed having someone he could share everything with. 

His thoughts drifted for a second and ended up on Jemma. It didn’t happen as often now, but this was one of those moments when he really wished she was still part of his life. He didn’t really understand what had happened between them, how they had ended up so far apart. There was a time when he’d thought there was no physical distance that could have kept them from talking to each other, but after he’d started dating Molly it had become more awkward for him to talk to Jemma. Almost like cheating on his girlfriend. And then eventually it had stopped. He knew they were both busy. They had work, different relationships to focus on...but part of him still wondered if he’d done something wrong. If there was something he could have done to keep them from falling completely out of touch.

Although…

Jemma was probably the best person to talk to about his toxin problem. She’d understand exactly what he was trying to do without him having to spell it all out. And if she was anything like she’d been five years ago, she’d come up with a solution and probably improve his design at the same time.

He sat at his desk, letting time tick by. It was a work problem. She worked for SHIELD. It wouldn’t be that unusual for him to reach out. And since it was three hours earlier on the west coast, she’d almost certainly still be at work. Yeah. He could do that.

More time passed before he shook his head. There were too many ways that conversation could go wrong. She could be upset with him. Or she could think he was trying to use their past to avoid the proper channels. Or worst of all, she might not care. It had been five years. She was probably happy with things the way they were. No reason to try to change that now.

He picked up his phone and texted Milton instead. It was only Tuesday, but maybe he’d be willing to make an exception and grab beers tonight. Fitz needed to celebrate. 

Fitz: Just had a breakthrough. Beers tonight?

An answering ping sounded not more than a minute later. 

Milton: Not tonight, man. I’m taking Monica to that new Thai place. 

Fitz: Right. Maybe tomorrow. 

That was fine. Better actually. This way he could start working on the specs for the next part of the project. The bullet casing was designed to break apart in subcutaneous tissue, but there was still the matter of what exactly would be inside. He knew it should be possible to formulate some sort of toxin, but so far he hadn’t had any luck. Milton had tried to help, but he wasn’t the best at being innovative. He actually liked his routine of testing samples and writing reports. Fitz had tried to understand it all, he really had, but it didn’t make any sense at all. 

Everything they’d come up with had either been too effective and wouldn’t be guaranteed to be non-lethal, or didn’t pack enough punch to keep a mouse unconscious for more than a few minutes. But maybe if he went back to the basics and did more research he’d come up with some new ideas. He laced his fingers together to stretch before turning back to his computer and getting back to work.

* * *

When he got the meeting request from Dr. Marten, he bristled. There was only one reason he’d be called into a meeting with his boss and that was because his work wasn’t up to standard. Which was ridiculous. He was working as fast as he could. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t get the help he needed for the biochemical piece. His knowledge only went so far — about as far as knowing it should be possible, but not how to do it himself. And so far he’d had no luck at all. 

So late on Friday night he made his way slowly to Dr. Marten’s office, dreading what would happen next. He didn’t want to lose this project. It could be revolutionary. If only the higher ups weren’t so short sighted — or if he had some competent coworkers. 

“Ah, Fitz my boy. Have a seat.”

Not seeing any other reasonable option, Fitz dropped into the chair before starting his carefully rehearsed speech.

“Dr. Marten, the design I have put together is solid. It’s the biochem that isn’t there. It would be a disservice to SHIELD to shelve this project without completing the development work.”

He said it all in one breath and was only slightly winded by the end. That was basically success. 

“Yes. I thought I’d made it clear that I agree.”

Dr. Marten wasn’t making any sense. 

“Then why did you…?”

“I put out some feelers. Found someone who could help. It just took me some time to get permission through all the right channels and to get the wheels greased.”

“Oh.”

“It isn’t easy to get someone transferred, you know. But this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Your designs are wonderful. I can’t even begin to understand the way that you mind works. But we just don’t have the bench strength on the biochem side, which seems to be what most of your designs need.”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Bloody hell. When he’d walked into the room his biggest worry had been that his project would be scrapped because they didn’t have the right expertise to complement his design. But now he knew the bigger threat was some interloper being assigned to his lab and mucking everything up. 

“I don’t need anyone to join my lab.” Having his own space had been a _reward_ for his hard work. He shouldn’t lose that when this wasn’t his fault. “I can figure it out. Just give me some time…”

The expression on Dr. Marten’s face told him this was a lost cause so he let the words drift off. What a way to end the week. This was the reason this meeting had been scheduled for so late on a Friday afternoon. 

“She’s been developing a dendrotoxin. I’ve seen the preliminary reports and it looks like a good candidate for your delivery mechanism.”

Fitz scowled. He didn’t care how promising the toxin was right now. Maybe he could bring himself to care more about it later. But not now. 

“She comes highly recommended,” Dr. Marten added, obviously trying to cushion the blow. He was a good boss. 

“Fine.” He nodded his head in agreement, deciding it was better to concede than to be forced to comply anyway. “She better be good, though. I can’t have just anyone in my lab.”

“Oh, I think you’ll like her.” There was a gleam in Dr. Marten’s eye that Fitz didn’t quite understand. He handed Fitz a thick folder. “Here’s a copy of her research. She’ll be here on Monday so you can start collaborating.”

“Fine. Fine.”

Fitz was mildly curious about what was in the folder, but it could wait. He definitely needed a drink first. 

“Oh, her name is Simmons. Dr. Jemma Simmons.”

* * *

He was still sitting at his desk, lost in thought, hundreds of questions racing through his mind, when his phone buzzed.

Milton: Where are you? You already missed the first round.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

His mind could hardly focus on the most pertinent information. Friday night. Drinks.

Fitz: Be right there. Had a meeting.

Milton: Don’t take too long. I’ve got my eye on a hot blonde.

Fitz: What about Monica?

Milton: That’s over. I’m a free man again.

Great. Fitz was having a crisis and Milton was going through his usual post-breakup meltdown. That was just bad timing. Returning his thoughts to his own crisis, Fitz wondered what Jemma thought of the whole situation. She had obviously been willing to transfer -- willing to work with him again. That had to be good, right?

But what if she didn’t know? Or what if things were just too weird?

His phone buzzed again, and he stuffed the still-unopened folder into his desk. He wasn’t going to look at it now anyway. And maybe Milton would have some answers.

* * *

Milton was in no condition to help Fitz by the time he arrived at the bar.

“Heeeey, buddy. There you are!” 

There was something comforting about how happy Milton always was to see him. It was kind of like having a puppy, except he didn’t have to feed him or take him for walks.

“Hey Milton.” Fitz nodded at the bartender who grabbed a tall glass and filled it with beer from the tap.

“That woman over there keeps eye fucking me.” Milton was already slurring his words and it was barely 8pm. The chances of this ending well weren’t good.

Fitz glanced over towards the corner Milton had indicated and noted that while there were several women, none of them seemed to be paying any attention at all to Milton.

“I see that.” Looking for a distraction, Fitz grabbed the appetizer specials from the bar. “Why don’t we get some nachos?”

“Sure.” Milton turned “Barkeep! Nachos for my best friend.”

Fitz dropped his head into his hands briefly before shooting an apologetic look at the bartender. She waved a dismissive hand before entering their order. Thank goodness they spent enough time here to be considered regulars or he’d have to drag Milton from the bar. As it was, he took the opportunity to take a long drink from his beer. With any luck the alcohol would work quickly on his empty stomach. He’d been so worked up over his meeting with Dr. Marten that he hadn’t bothered to eat lunch.

By the time the nachos arrived, Fitz was already working on his second beer. Listening to Milton go on and on about his ex-girlfriend required a lot of alcohol.

“Wasn’t that only your second date?” Fitz finally asked. He was getting the feeling that the bartender was getting tired of Milton’s alternating outbursts of anger and tears.

“Yes,” he answered with a sniffle. “But I thought it was going to work out this time. She seemed really nice.”

“Right. But have you considered that the bar might not be the _best_ place to ask women out. What did you even have in common with her?”

Fitz was proud of himself for being so reasonable when Milton was clearly losing it.

But Milton just started laughing, nearly falling off his barstool.

“What?”

“Well, I’ve only seen you interested in two women -- and neither one of those relationships lasted.”

“Lasted a lot longer than your relationships,” Fitz grumbled.

“I thought you and Molly would be together forever.” Milton waved his glass around and sloshed some beer on the bar. “Whoops.”

“Yeah, well, there were some things we didn’t agree on.” Fitz didn’t appreciate the reminder of his breakup. Though he supposed it meant something that her name didn’t stir up anything in him except the regret that he’d wasted all that time. Jemma however…

“And Jemma! You still haven’t explained that one.”

Milton had asked him about Jemma on and off over the years. I had started as a sore point between them and at some point it had turned into some sort of inside joke. Though Fitz wasn’t sure he understood the punchline. In some ways, Milton was the only one who had an idea of how he felt. He hadn’t been as close to Jemma as Fitz had, but he’d still known her.

He’d heard her name over the years and it always felt the same way. A little squeeze of his heart and a little whisper in his head wondering what could have been. But now he’d get to find out.

“Jemma…” He whispered her name, and before he could use his better judgement, he let it slip. “She’s coming here.”

“Who?” Milton looked around before smiling at the bartender as she brought him yet around beer. “The blonde.”

“The blonde? No. Jemma. Jemma is coming here.”

Milton’s brow furrowed and Fitz rolled his eyes.

“Jemma...Simmons. She’s, ah, transferring here.” Fitz waited for Milton’s reaction. And waited. It took long moments for Milton to even blink.

“Simmons? Here?”

“Working on a project. With me.”

“Well, now is your chance to get her back!”

Milton clapped him on his back and Fitz choked on his beer.

“Uh, it’s not like that. I haven’t even talked to her in years. Not even by text.”

For a second Fitz was worried Milton’s eyes would bug out of his head.

“Why the hell not?” Milton reached for his phone. “She always asks about you. I just thought you were busy...or she was being polite.”

Milton hit her name in his contacts and her picture, an old one from the Academy, and a string of messages appeared.

Fitz craned his neck to read them, trying to find some sort of meaning in the words. But they were just the regular types of messages between friends.

“Well, I guess the last time I heard from her was my birthday. She never forgets my birthday.”

Fitz felt a sudden urge to punch Milton in his cabbage head, but he forced out a breath and counted to ten. It wasn’t Milton’s fault Jemma hadn’t texted or called.

“We need another round,” Milton called to the bartender. She raised her eyebrows, but Fitz nodded, vowing that this would be his last beer. And definitely the last one for Milton. He probably should have stopped a few back. “Now, tell me what you did.”

“What _I_ did? Why do you think it was me?”

“Ok, then what did she do?”

“Nothing. She didn’t do anything.” Fitz shook his head, the alcohol buzzing through his system made it a lot easier to talk, but hard to focus. “It was just...it wasn’t enough.”

“You okay, Fitz?” It was Mandy, their regular bartender, with another beer. “You two have been practically crying into your beers all night.”

“Milton broke up with his girlfriend,” Fitz spit out.

“I got that part.” Mandy patted Milton’s hand and he bent down to try to give it a kiss, somehow managing to smack his head on the bar in the process.

“Ouch!”

“Poor baby,” she said with a laugh. “Do you need some ice?”

“Nah. M’fine.” Milton rested his head on the bar and looked up at her. Fitz rolled his eyes at the puppy dog look he was giving her. He apparently set his sights on another target. Fitz was going to put an end to that before it got started. He wanted to be able to come back to this bar. “Fitz’s girlfriend is moving to town.”

Mandy looked at Fitz sharply. “I thought you broke up with your girlfriend. A while back, if I remember.”

“Yeah...yeah, I did. Jemma isn’t my girlfriend. She’s just...just, ah, a girl I used to know. We went to school together. We were lab partners...and yes, we may have dated for a short time, but that was years ago and I haven’t seen her since --”

“She was _the one_.” Milton wiped drool from the corner of his lip as he spoke.

“Oh?”

“No! She wasn’t! She was just...just...she was my best friend!”

“I think he doth protest too much.” Mandy smiled. “You want me to cash you out?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Fitz drank his beer in silence, since Milton appeared to now be asleep, until Mandy brought his check back.

“You need me to call you a cab? Looks like you’ll have your hands full with him.”

“No, I’ve got it. Thanks, Mandy.”

“And, you know, Fitz…” She blinked at him, and for the first time he noticed that her eyes were green. “If things don’t work out with _the one_ you know where to find me.”

She moved away, going to help the couple at the other end of the bar, before he could process her words. 

“Did she just hit on me?”

But the only sound beside him was a soft snore. Great.

* * *

When he woke up the next morning his eyes were sticky and his stomach hurt a little bit. He never got anything more than those nachos to eat and he’d had entirely too much to drink.

But if he’d learned anything last night, it was that he needed to act like an adult about this. No matter what Milton thought, or what he hoped might happen -- not to mention what Mandy thought might happen -- Jemma was transferring for work. She wasn’t coming to be with him. She was making a transfer for work, to further her career. And he understood that. The fact that it brought her into his orbit again only benefited both of them -- professionally. 

And personally, he wouldn’t be surprised if she was dating, or even married. But if she wasn’t...then that was something they could figure out after they’d perfected their working relationship again.

He got up to get a glass of water and close the blinds. If he was going to be able to keep up with Jemma on Monday he needed to be at his best, not that he was trying to impress her or anything. And that was going to require a lot more sleep to get rid of this hangover.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma's first day in Boston is full of surprises, but the one thing that hasn't changed is how much she enjoys working with Fitz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The chapter everyone has been waiting for (though I promise there is more good stuff to come). I am going to try to post another chapter tomorrow since I got a little behind on posting.
> 
> Thanks for @agentofship for making my words better :)

Jemma looked in the mirror one last time. 

This was the first day of the rest of her life. Five years in San Francisco and she’d finally been granted a transfer to Boston. Four years ago she’d have known exactly what to do — find Fitz as soon as possible and pick up right where they left off. A year ago she would have been proud of how grown up she was, how together her life was, and eager to show him that she was happy with her life — even if he wasn’t in it. But now she was less certain. 

After five years it had been too long for them to be the same people they had been. But it hadn’t been long enough that she didn’t still wonder what could have been.

She’d been so eager to take this transfer after the disaster that had been Dr. Keltner that she hadn’t even cared that the project she’d be working on was so classified that she wasn’t prepped on it before she’d accepted the job. As soon as she found out where she’d be going she’d texted Milton. He worked in the lab in Boston -- had since graduation -- but her gentle prodding hadn’t yielded any information about Fitz. She didn’t even know if he was still in Boston.

She added a gloss over a natural shade of lipstick and smiled one last time, checking her teeth for lipstick. Tucking her brush and makeup back into her travel bag, she tidied up her room before she left the hotel. She would give this job a few weeks before deciding what to do next. There were still so many things she wanted from life. And maybe SHIELD wasn’t meant to be her path. If she didn’t feel at home here, then it would be easy enough to move on. She just had to be careful not to get too attached. 

Her first stop at the nondescript office building was security, where she was met by a man in slacks and a button down.

“You must be Dr. Simmons.” She nodded and he continued. “I’m Dr. Marten, head of Engineering.”

“Good morning, Dr. Marten,” Jemma chirped.

“Dr. Simmons. I’m really pleased to meet you. I’ve heard such wonderful things.”

Jemma shook his hand, careful to apply just the right amount of pressure to seem confident and capable, but not like she was trying to break bones.

“I’m really happy to be here. And excited to get started. If you’ll just show me where to go…”

She was slightly puzzled at being met by Dr. Marten. She’d thought there would be someone from HR to show her around. Or possibly her new boss, whoever that might be. The head of engineering was an odd choice for the person to meet her on her first day. 

“Ah, of course. Let’s sit down to talk for a bit and I’ll introduce you around, show you the lab.”

He gestured for her to proceed down a long hallway, but she hesitated. 

“I’m afraid there’s been a mistake. I’m not an engineer.”

“Oh, no, of course not. But you’ll be working with my team. With one of my best engineers actually. Dr. Fitz has some brilliant ideas and none of our biochemists have been able to help him transform his ideas into usable tech for the field.”

Fitz. 

Emotions rushed through her. Joy. Excitement. Longing. Anger. Fear. Dr. Marten was still looking at her, so she tried not to let everything she felt show. She probably didn’t succeed though.

Whatever she thought they’d brought her here for, it wasn’t for this. Except that wasn’t true. Part of her -- a part she refused to acknowledge -- had been hoping she’d see Fitz. Get to work with him again. See if that spark was still there.

“I see. I wasn’t given any details of my assignment.”

“Yes, well…” She was somewhat mollified to see that he looked slightly uncomfortable. “Before your promotion you didn’t have the proper clearance. But you do now. I’ll show you to my office and give you all the details.”

“Thank you. That sounds lovely.”

As she followed Dr. Marten to his office, she took the time to surreptitiously look around. It was strange that her life could have changed in such an important way and yet the halls were still the same institutional white, the hum of activity basically unchanged from her old office thousands of miles away, and the offices and labs lining the hallway echoing their sameness.

But nothing was the same. 

Once they reached his office, Dr. Marten waved her into the seat across from his desk. He handed her a folder and she quickly scanned through the contents.

“A delivery mechanism! For the dendrotoxin?”

Pride burst through her. She had been transferred for her work on the dendrotoxin. And it almost wasn’t a surprise that Fitz had been independently working towards the same goal.

“Yes. I was very impressed with your work, and I believe Dr. Fitz’s design will be a good fit. For now, you’ll report to me and be assigned to Dr. Fitz’s lab.”

“And after that?”

Even though she was excited by the prospect of working with Fitz again, a temporary assignment brought its own questions. If there wasn’t a permanent place for her here, where did that leave her?

“And then...we’ll see.” Dr. Marten smiled, not unkindly, before continuing. “I have some ideas, but that depends on you.”

Her initial assessment of Dr. Marten was that he would be a fine boss. She didn’t feel the pressure of unreachable expectations that she’d always had with Dr. Wiseman, but she had to be careful. Becoming complacent was a dangerous path.

“Thank you, sir.”

He studied her for a moment. “Let me show you around, then. Introduce you to some of the people you’ll be working with. I understand that you attended the Academy with Dr. Fitz.”

“Yes.” Jemma stood, straightening her spine and not bothering to hide her smile. “We were lab partners. I believe we’ll work together quite well. You won’t be disappointed in our work.”

“I’m sure I won’t,” he agreed.

* * *

The tour of the engineering wing took far longer than Jemma anticipated. Dr. Marten was very thorough, introducing her to members of his team, showing her various labs, offices, and break rooms. Finally he looked down at his watch.

“Oh dear. I have another meeting. The lab you’ll be sharing with Dr. Fitz is the second door on the right.” He gestured in the direction of an open door. “I’m terribly sorry to have to run. I’ll check in on you later to make sure you’re settling in alright.”

“No problem. Thank you, Dr. Marten.”

She waited until he disappeared around the corner, nerves suddenly getting the best of her. She shouldn’t be nervous. It was just Fitz. But at the same time she knew that Fitz wasn’t _just_ anything. He had been her everything. They’d spent their days together...and then their nights as well.

She was just being silly. And there was really no need for that. They were professionals after all. She took a few tentative steps forward, trying to modulate her breathing. It wouldn’t do to sound like she’d just run to his lab. Her practical black shoes that she’d carefully picked out to make a good impression on her first day now seemed like a bad idea as they made abnormally loud clicks with each step she took across the tiled floor. 

She slowed her steps as she approached the open door, hoping to not draw his attention. But when she peeked through the door, the sight that met her eye was of a very flustered Fitz.

He was pacing back and forth in front of his computer, muttering under his breath. As she watched he dragged a hand through his hair, and that familiar motion was enough to make her feel more at ease. Whatever had changed, he was still the same Fitz at his core. 

She stepped through the doorway. “Hi, Fitz.”

Her voice was quiet but it clearly carried across the room from the way Fitz snapped to attention. 

“Jemma! I mean, Simmons. Dr. Simmons.” He’d taken several steps towards her and for a second she thought he might be ready to wrap her up in a hug. She was surprised to find herself reaching a hand towards him. But then he stopped short. “It’s, ah, good to see you.”

“It’s really good to see you too. It’s been...well, it’s been too long.”

She tried to laugh it off, but she had a hundred questions for him about where the time had gone and what had changed that they stopped texting. Instead she held out her hand to shake his hand at the same time that he opened his arms for a hug. His cheeks pinking, Fitz dropped his arm to his side and extended one hand, just as she awkwardly moved closer to embrace him.

They both let out a laugh, and Jemma patted his arm instead.

“So, I hear we’ve been working on complementary projects.” Jemma tilted her head to the side with a small smile.

As she’d hoped, he seemed to relax. “Yeah. No surprise there, right? I’ve been trying to work with the biochemists here, but when Milton’s the best they’ve got...”

He trailed off, shrugging a shoulder.

“Milton? I wouldn’t think you’d ever ask him for help.”

“Yeah.” Fitz looked confused. “He’d probably be offended if I asked someone else first.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why would you have to ask him first?”

“Because he’s my best friend?” She was confused both by the fact that he’d phrased it as a question and also by his words. The Fitz she’d known had done everything he could not to be in the same room with Milton. And now they were best friends. And even though it had been years, it did hurt a little bit to hear him call someone else his best friend. She hadn’t even replaced him that way. Not on purpose. It wasn’t like she’d held open the position of best friend for the day he could step back into it. It was more that she hadn’t ever found the time to find someone she liked to spend time with as much as she’d liked him. So it had been unnecessary. “He’s really grown on me.”

Fitz rubbed a hand on the back of his neck and Jemma shook her head. He had nothing to feel embarrassed about. “I think that’s lovely. I always told you the two of you would get along if you gave him a chance.”

“Yeah, I guess you did.” 

For the first time she looked directly into his eyes. They were just as blue as she’d remembered. He looked good. Very good. Her thoughts were quickly drifting into territory that wasn’t quite appropriate for the workplace — especially without his knowledge or consent. 

“You know, I just texted Milton a few days ago. As soon as I was sure I was really coming. I wonder why he didn’t say anything.” Jemma frowned. Something wasn’t adding up. “Or any of the other times we’ve texted over the last few years.”

“I dunno.” His response came quickly and Jemma was instantly alert. But she really had no reason to press the issue. If he didn’t want to tell her any more about his friendship with Milton, that was fine. She could see for herself soon enough. “Wait...what do you mean as soon as you knew you were coming? I thought transfers took forever to go through.”

She’d looked into it right after graduation, back when they had assumed it was only a matter of time before they were working together again. “It does. I just...well, I didn’t know if I’d take it or not.”

“Oh. Yeah. I mean, you must have a life to get back to, friends, a…” His eyes darted down to her left hand before he finished his thought. “A boyfriend?”

“No!” Her voice was too loud for the lab and she almost pressed a hand over her mouth. “No. No boyfriend. There was...someone. But he wasn’t who I thought he was. It was never going to last forever.”

“Me too. I mean, not a boyfriend. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just not —“

Fitz was trying to talk too fast and his face was getting redder by the second. 

“That’s alright, Fitz. I understand.”

He stared at her for a minute. “So, yeah. There was someone for me too. But that’s over.”

“Good.” His hair was shorter than it had been, his curls a little more tame. And he had a bit of stubble on his face. He looked older. Sexier. She forced her mind back to the conversation. She’d have plenty of time to daydream about him later. When she was alone. Then she realized what she’d just said. “Oh my. I didn’t mean it was good that you broke up. Just that… I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s been a year now. I thought that’s what I wanted, but I think maybe I was more in love with the idea.” Jemma nodded, understanding that feeling well. “But you put in for a transfer and then weren’t going to take it?”

“I was...well, that doesn’t matter.” Her head was still fuzzy, too many emotions rushing through her after seeing him again. “I’m here now. And I’m ready to work. It sounds like I’ll be working here 100% of the time until this project is finished.”

“Yeah, that’s great.”

Fitz turned to pick up a folder on the desk behind him. “I had actually just started reviewing your work on the toxin.”

Jemma responded by holding out the folder Dr. Marten had given her when she’d arrived. “I only had time to take a quick glance, but it looks like you’ve put together a rather impressive delivery mechanism.”

“I’ve been working on it for awhile, but none of the biochemists around here could help, so I’ve been waiting to finalize the design until I could determine —“

“The dosage, of course. That would impact the size of the bullet and chamber —“

“And the entire balance of the weapon.”

Words flowed back and forth between them, and in many ways it felt like they had never been apart. His mind was just as brilliant as always and within minutes of them restarting their professional relationship, he’d already asked more insightful questions about her research than anyone else had in the months she’d been working on it. She liked to think he’d had the same reaction to her ideas if the way he’d reached for a pencil and started scribbling notes was anything to go by.

At one point he’d been pointing out the most innovative part of his design when she’d reached over his shoulder to show him where she thought he could make an improvement just as he straightened up, and for a moment her body was pressed up against his and she inhaled the faint scent of his cologne and felt the heat of his body. She pulled away quickly, but after that moment it was as if her senses had been tuned to his frequency. She was aware of him in a way she hadn’t been before. Whatever they’d been to each other all those years ago had been a relationship between teenagers. Now they were older. They knew themselves better. They had grown apart, had loved and lost, had learned, and now they had found their way back together.

Jemma was very happy with the decision she had made. She wasn’t willing to let Fitz out of her life again. Somehow she’d make sure that distance wouldn’t come between them again. As she made another note, she realized they could have completed this design months ago if they had each other to talk to. They’d always made each other better. So, no, she wouldn’t let him walk out of her life again. If they were destined to be friends, that would be enough. And if there was still something else between them… Well, as soon as they finished this project and weren’t working together so closely, maybe they could figure out what it was. 

She was about to outline her plan for Fitz when there was a knock on the doorframe. 

“Hey Jemma.”

“Milton!” She rushed towards him, pulling him into a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

When she released him, she turned to gauge Fitz’s reaction, knowing that he’d always disliked the other man. But aside from a slightly grumpy look directed at Milton, everything seemed to be in order. 

“What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting to see you until later.”

Milton rolled his eyes and reached for Fitz’s arm holding his wrist with his watch in front of his face. 

“It’s that late already?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Milton looked over to Jemma. “I wanted to see if you wanted to grab dinner. You too, Fitz.”

“Oh, that would be lovely. I’d love to catch up.” She let her eyes drift back to Fitz. “It seems like a lot has changed in the last five years.”

It felt like everything was different. Fitz and Milton were friends. Fitz had a higher clearance than she did, at least until today…and she was starting to feel like being apart had just made her miss out on all the important things. But when she looked back to Milton, all he said was, “Maybe not as much as you think.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dinner out with old friends turns into something much more like a date when Milton bails, leaving Fitz and Jemma to navigate their new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to @agentofship! <3

Being interrupted just when they were falling back into their old rhythm hadn’t been what he’d expected, but dinner with Milton wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be either. Milton was friendly with Jemma, asking her questions about her life in San Francisco and what kinds of projects she’d been working on, but it never veered into something more flirtatious. His teenage self would have sulked at having her attention — and smile — directed at someone else, but now he appreciated the time it gave him to observe her.

She’d changed. He supposed it would be strange if she hadn’t, even though part of him had been expecting to see the same girl he’d known back at the Academy. Her hair was shorter, her makeup darker. She’d done something around her eyes that made her look much sexier than she’d probably intended when getting ready for work. But everything else about her was the Jemma he remembered. The excitement in her voice when she talked about science, the way she looked at him like he was the only one in the world —

“Fitz, what about you?”

The smirk on Milton’s face told him he’d been caught letting his mind wander, but it didn’t come with any judgement. Actually, Milton was probably loving this. He’d been pestering Fitz for five years about Jemma and now he had both of them right in front of him. 

“Oh, yes, Fitz. You have to share.” Jemma turned towards him and he was struck again by the mix of familiar and unknown. She was a bit of a mystery. A riddle he wanted to solve. “What was your favorite part of life after the Academy?”

“Oh, ah, having my own flat. I’d never had a place to myself before.”

“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Milton shook his head and reached for his phone.

“Yes, of course. I feel the same way.” Jemma nodded in agreement. “Even when things weren’t going well at work, home was always a refuge.”

“What do you mean —“

“Sorry guys,” Milton interrupted. “I just got a text from Monica. Gotta run.”

He stood and pulled out his keys.

“Monica? I thought she broke up with you.”

“Yeah. But she wants to talk. You know what that means.”

Fitz just shook his head. He didn’t understand how Milton could be so clueless. 

“Be careful, buddy.”

“It was lovely to catch up,” Jemma added. “We’ll have to do it again soon. Five years is a lot to catch up on.”

“Absolutely.” He gave her a smile that Fitz found a little too friendly, but considering that Milton was answering what he obviously thought was a booty call from his ex, he supposed it didn’t really mean anything. “See you later, Jemma. Fitz.”

They watched him leave and a silence settled between them. They were sitting in a restaurant. Just the two of them. Almost like a date. 

Except it wasn’t. 

“Can I interest you in dessert?” Their server reappeared suddenly and Fitz was glad for the interruption. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act around her. Being in the lab was one thing, but here, out to dinner, was something else entirely. 

He looked to Jemma to answer and wasn’t surprised at all when she declined. He would have been worried if she'd suddenly developed a sweet tooth. But at the same time dessert would have given them an excuse to spend a few more precious minutes together. 

“No dessert for us tonight. We'll take the check, though.”

As they waited, Fitz searched for the thread of the conversation they had dropped. 

“What did you mean about things not going well?”

“Oh, just that the reality of working every day just wasn’t the same without someone to talk to about my ideas. And sometimes I needed some time alone.”

Fitz found himself nodding along with her words until he noticed her shaking her head at him. 

“What?” He was suddenly feeling like he was missing out on an inside joke. 

“But you had Milton.”

“Well, yeah, of course. I mean, no. Not really.” Her smile got wider as he stammered. “Fine. Yes. But talking to Milton is nothing like talking to you.”

“There was no one quite like you in San Francisco either.”

She reached out to place a hand over his. He assumed she meant it as a friendly gesture, but heat radiated from where they touched. She pulled it back when the server dropped off the check. 

“I’ve got it,” she said quickly. 

“No, it’s fine.”

“At least let me pay half.”

“Nah. It’s my turn to pay for Milton…and you’ll just have to owe me one. I mean, if you wanted to eat together again sometime.”

“I’d like that very much.” She smiled at him again, and maybe he wasn’t supposed to feel like he was falling in love with her all over again. But he did. “Now, tell me more about what you’ve been working on.”

* * *

When they left the restaurant, they started walking in the general direction of Fitz’s flat. They were debating spacetime. Again. And there was just something so familiar about it that it was as if they’d never been apart. 

But they had been. 

He knew he’d see her at work in the morning, but he wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. It wasn’t logical, but it felt like if he let her out of his sight he might lose her for another five years. But as long as they were together, walking side by side, talking about science, nothing had to change.

“So, did you want to get a cup of tea? Or a drink?”

“That would be lovely.”

“My place isn’t far from here.”

“Your place?”

“I mean...I didn’t mean — It isn’t…” He blew out a breath. He was as nervous as a teenager. Or actually, more nervous than he’d been as a teenager. Back then he knew exactly how she felt about him. “Just...do you want to come up for tea? Just tea.”

He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince, but she didn’t seem concerned that he was taking advantage of her in some way, so he tried not to feel embarrassed about asking her over. They were friends. Friends could have tea together. 

“I’d love to.” She took his hand in hers. “I’m not quite ready to say goodnight just yet. It feels like there’s still so much to catch up on.”

“Yeah. Cool, cool, cool. It’s just, ah, this way.”

He led her down a few more blocks, but the closer they got to his flat, the more that easy camaraderie seemed to fade, and the more a heavy sort of tension took its place. They continued to talk about science and the things they had missed in each other’s lives, but he was more and more aware of her — the smell of her perfume, the way she kept tucking her hair behind her ear, and the fact that five years ago he’d memorized the feel of her body beneath his. He’d managed to go so long without thinking about that, that it hit him now with the force of a falling building. She hadn’t let go of his hand and it would be so easy to pull her close.

Except that wasn’t who they were. Not anymore. So he vowed to keep his distance. Be polite, friendly, but not push her for more than she was ready for.

* * *

Jemma kicked the door closed and pushed him against it. His resolve had crumbled somewhere between the front door of his building and the elevator. Which had been perfect, because that’s when Jemma had turned to him and said she wasn’t really all that interested in tea.

He was afraid he’d imagined the first brush of her lips against his, the ding of the elevator arriving forcing them apart. But once the door slid closed behind them, Fitz had poked at the button for the fourth floor without even looking at it as Jemma launched herself at him again. The second kiss hadn’t been nearly as sweet and chaste as the first. 

It was like a dam had burst after five years of locking those feelings away and he hadn’t been able to get enough of her. Luckily she’d seemed to feel the same way, her body pressed against his and her fingers in his hair. 

He had held her close, committing the feel of her to memory in case this was just a passing desire for her. A way to remember who they had been. They had explored each other hungrily, lips moving together, and when the elevator arrived on his floor they parted only long enough for him to slot his key into the lock and push the door open triumphantly. 

His hands moved slowly over her, thumbs teasing the underside of her breasts before circling her waist and resting on her hips. Jemma licked across his bottom lip and he opened to her with a moan. It appeared that some things had changed— not how they felt about each other or how well they fit together, but how bold they’d become, experience adding something innocence hadn’t been able to match — and that made his heart race even faster. Five years ago they’d been teenagers exploring together. Now, he could only imagine how good things could be between them. Careful to keep his distance lest she know the exact direction of his thoughts, he kissed her back with all the intensity and care she deserved. He wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but so far he was enjoying every bit of it. 

As the kiss deepened and Jemma rocked her hips against him, he gave up any pretense of control over the situation. He dropped his hands to her arse and pulled her against him. A moan escaped from her lips as he rubbed against her center. Even through layers of clothes there was no denying how turned on he was — how turned on both of them were. 

Jemma’s hands went to the buttons on his shirt and he covered her hand with his, hoping he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life. 

“Wait.” He took a few deep breaths, trying to gauge her reaction, but after so long he wasn’t sure he could read her the way he used to. “What...what are we doing?”

She took half a step back, just far enough that his erection was no longer pressed against her softness but not so far he couldn’t smell her shampoo or feel the heat from her body. She avoided his eyes, instead smoothing a hand over his shirt.

“I...I thought we were kissing. Getting to know one another again.”

“Jemma…” He felt like he was pleading with her, willing her to understand. She finally looked up at him and the uncertainty on her face made him feel more settled. She was just as nervous about this as he was. “I don’t kiss old friends.”

“Well, we never were just friends, were we?” She moved closer again, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Honestly, I don’t know what we’re doing. All I know is I don’t want to stop. And we’re both single…”

She let the words hang in the air between them. He knew he should press her further, knew they should define what they were doing. But then she kissed him again and he was lost. There was no way he could resist the temptation that was Jemma Simmons, especially when she was doing _that_ with her tongue. 

The time for talking clearly over, Fitz shifted his attention to showing Jemma how much she meant to him — or at least how much she’d meant to him five years ago and how much he wanted to see if they could be that again. As much as he enjoyed her pressing him against the door, there had to be a more comfortable spot for what he had in mind. Her fingers were back on the buttons of his shirt and she opened each button slowly, deliberately. Like there was still time to turn back. He shrugged his shirt off his shoulders and closed his eyes as Jemma rested her hands on his shoulders, his white t-shirt the only barrier between their skin.

Her hands moved lower, fingertips dragging over his chest until she toyed with the hem of his shirt. Every touch was electrifying, but somehow he had the presence of mind to guide her back towards the couch. Her nails scratched over his stomach and his muscles tightened. 

By the time the backs of her legs bumped into the couch, he’d managed to get her blouse and bra off. His hands covered her breasts and he moved his fingers slowly, stroking her soft skin and rolling her nipples between his fingers. 

She let out a sigh and a moan of pleasure, and it sounded loud in his normally quiet flat. He didn’t usually have visitors in his private space, but it just felt right to have her here, as if the universe was finally back in balance. 

“Beautiful.”

Jemma bit her lip as she looked at him and his trousers felt even tighter than they’d been a second before. 

“I -- I…”

Jemma toed off her shoes and pushed her trousers and knickers down her legs, and then his brain stopped working entirely.

“Now you.” Jemma nodded at him. Whatever self-consciousness he had about his body evaporated as she looked at him. Jemma had always had a way of making him feel better — smarter, stronger, more handsome. 

He kissed her again, the soft curves of her body pressed against him. Her hands moved between them to palm his erection and he whimpered into her mouth. She pushed down his trousers and then they were both naked, and it was wonderful. Jemma wrapped a leg around him and he could feel her wet heat. Being with her was intoxicating. Luckily they hadn’t had any alcohol or he might have doubted what they were doing. It certainly wasn’t the careful, logical approach to rekindling their relationship. But in this moment he didn’t much care. 

Sliding his hands under her arse, he tried to lift her up. Just a little leverage and he’d be right where he wanted to be. Needed to be. Jemma moaned as he kissed across her collarbone and he lost his balance. They tumbled back onto the couch, Jemma rolling on top of him.

His hands moved over her as she kissed him again. He mapped her curves, familiar but fuller, softer, than she used to be. He wanted to touch all of her. Taste all of her. But he could tell things were spiralling out of control quickly. There was no way they’d be able to hold out long enough for him to do all the things he could now picture so clearly in his mind. 

His hips jerked up as she ground down on him, and as she sat up suddenly his cock slid through her folds right to her entrance. 

“Condom?” she panted. Her breasts swayed above him and he reached up to touch her, tweaking a nipple as he moved his fingers over her. He sat up just enough to swirl his tongue around her nipple and she shifted her hips, nearly driving him mad. 

For a few moments, the only sounds were Jemma’s soft moans. He’d do anything to keep hearing her like that. Then she threaded her fingers through his hair and stopped his movement. 

“Fitz?” She waited until their eyes locked. “Condom?”

“Condom. Yeah.” He tried to move, almost dislodging her. “I think I have one...bedroom.”

“I could come with?” she suggested. 

“Right. Yeah. Good.”

Jemma stood, pulling him up after her, and he held her hand tightly as he led her to his room, inordinately glad yesterday had been laundry day and his sheets were freshly washed and his clothes picked up. 

He fumbled around in his drawer for a moment until he held up two condoms. His eyes widened as he saw Jemma in his bed, looking as if she belonged there. 

He must have been staring too long because her smile started to falter, so he moved to the end of the bed, slowly kissing his way up her leg as he crawled towards her. 

“Jemma...I want - want to…” He pressed a kiss to her inner thigh and felt her spread her legs wider. He pressed another kiss to her other thigh before leaning in to lick her clit, enjoying the way her muscles clenched and her hands tightened in his curls. To think he’d nearly cut his hair and missed out on this experience. 

But she tugged on his hair and pulled him towards her. 

“Later. I want you now. It’s already been too long.”

He obviously agreed. 

She grabbed for the condom and rolled it down his length. Fitz bit his lip in an effort to keep from embarrassing himself as her small, cool hands moved up and down his length. 

“Jemma —“

He kissed her, following her lead as she rolled on top of him again and positioned him at her entrance. Without breaking the kiss, she sank down on him.

Pleasure raced through him. Being with her was like coming home. He never felt more at peace with the world than when he was with her. 

They moved together, his arms wrapped around her, until he felt like he couldn’t get any closer to her. Jemma called his name and he felt her inner muscles pulse around him. He grabbed her hips and thrust roughly, pleasure exploding through him. 

He relaxed back onto the bed, Jemma on top of him, and he stroked her hair gently as they both came down. 

“Well, I guess that’s why Dr. Weaver was so insistent we not be assigned together.”

He couldn’t have said why those were the first words out of his mouth. Though it probably saved him from telling her he was still in love with her after all these years. 

Luckily she laughed, her body moving against his.

“It would have been a bit distracting, but I still maintain that we could have handled it.”

He smiled. Somewhere under everything that had changed they were still the same two people. 

Eventually he disposed of the condom and when he settled down into bed she was snuggled against his side. It seemed like they wouldn’t be talking about the future tonight. But that was alright. They had time to figure everything out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz and Jemma work on reestablishing their professional relationship to see if it was as seamless as ever. But the fear of separation still hangs between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end of this fic and I'm so excited about what's coming. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Thanks again to @agentofship for being awesome!

Waking up with Fitz took Jemma back five years. For a moment, regret raced through her at the thought that this might be the last time she’d wake up wrapped in his arms. Her grip on his arm tightened and she felt him stir. But then she remembered that had already happened. They were in his bed, in his flat, and no one was trying to keep them apart. At least not right now. 

“G’morning.” Fitz’s mumbled words brought her back to the present. “What time is it?”

They’d fallen asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms after the best sex of her life, and she hadn’t even given a thought to setting her alarm for the morning. Normally she’d trust herself to wake without an alarm, but she had just moved three time zones and wasn’t yet acclimated to the change. Still feeling fuzzy and sleepy, Jemma looked around for her phone before realizing Fitz was still wearing a watch. She grabbed it and held it in front of her face, squinting at the time.

“It’s only 6.” Relief hit her. It would make a very bad impression if she was late on her second day in the office.

Fitz grunted and wrapped his arms more securely around her.

“Fitz?”

“Hmmm”

“I still have to get up.”

“Right.” He let her go without another word, and it wasn’t a good feeling. She wished she knew what he was thinking. 

“So…” She pulled the sheet up to cover her breasts, feeling more exposed in the light of day than she had the night before. “This isn’t going to affect our work.”

Fitz dropped his arm over his eyes and she realized it sounded more like a command than a question.

“I mean, this doesn’t change anything. Our working relationship is a separate matter.”

“Yeah. ‘Course.”

“Fitz?” She waited until he opened his eyes and looked at her. “This is okay, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Because I enjoyed it very much. Being with you, I mean.”

“I did too. Jemma --”

“I probably won’t be working with you long enough for us to get into any trouble, even if they choose to enforce section 17. If someone finds out, I mean.”

“Wait. What?” Fitz sat up and she got a glimpse of his chest and abs. It was really unfair that he still ate like a teenager, as she’d witnessed last night, and looked so good.

“What?” She pulled her eyes back to his face, embarrassed that she had no idea what they were talking about.

“You aren’t going to be here long? I thought...I thought you transferred here.”

“Yes, I did. But when I talked to Dr. Marten yesterday, he said my assignment was temporary. And after that he didn’t know where I’d be.” She waved her hand dismissively, trying not to feel like it was a cruel twist of fate to get a second chance with Fitz to have it be at the whim of SHIELD. “It’s alright though. It’s fine.”

“But what about…” Fitz pointed between them and she knew exactly what he meant. “I mean, are we --”

“I propose we use the same rules as the last time. We’ll be together as long as we can. And no matter what happens, no regrets.”

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and realized she probably looked a fright. She hadn’t removed her makeup last night. She could almost feel the knots in her hair. And her breath was probably terrible. Fitz, on the other hand, looked adorable all sleepy and tousled. She could get used to waking up beside him.

“Right. No regrets.”

He sounded a little uncertain and her heart squeezed a bit at the thought that he no longer felt the same way. Of course he’d been more than willing to take her to bed, though she knew better than anyone that willingness didn’t necessarily translate to feelings. But she’d deal with whatever happened when it was all over. For now she wanted to savor the moment.

“Is that alright with you?”

“Jemma…” He reached for her hand. “Being with you has always been better than being with anyone else.”

Something warm radiated through her, starting from where their hands touched. It was such an innocent touch considering they were both still naked and she’d spent the night tucked against his side.

She didn’t need him to say anything else. That was all the reassurance she needed. Jemma pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, trying to spare him her morning breath, but he turned his head and caught her up in another kiss. It quickly spun out of control, all thoughts of leaving slipping from her mind.

By the time they parted again, they were laying down, Jemma half on top of Fitz, thoroughly kissed and more than a little turned on.

“I should head back to the hotel,” Jemma whispered against his lips.

“You’re staying in a hotel?”

“Yeah.” She leaned over to search for her clothes, no longer caring that the sheet didn’t fully cover her. “I didn’t have time to find a place with how quickly the transfer went through. And now I’m not going to bother since I might not be here for long.”

“You’ll be here until the project’s done, right?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.” She gave him half a smile, pulling her knickers on. “But how long could it possibly take us?”

His eyes followed her as she stood, and her body reacted as if he was touching her instead of just looking.

“Not long enough.”

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?”

They spoke at the same time and then laughed. It was just the time they needed to reset.

“I’d love to.” He smiled, that smile that made her think she didn’t need anything else but him. “I can come up with some options and run them by you later.”

“Sounds great. But I have to hurry if I’m going to get to work on time.”

“Yeah. It would be much more convenient if your clothes were here.”

The words hung between them and she saw him turn slightly pink. Deciding it was best to just ignore that he’d spoken, she went to find the rest of her clothes.

Today was going to be a long day if all she could think about was coming back home with him at the end of it.

* * *

Once she’d showered, gotten dressed, and made it back to the lab, she only barely beat Fitz. But by the time he walked in, two cups of tea in hand, she was already reviewing her notes from the previous day.

“Good morning, Agent Simmons.”

He walked over to her and handed her one of the cups. For a second she thought he was going to kiss her.

“Thank you, Agent Fitz. It’s so kind of you to get tea for a colleague.”

She backed up a few steps to put some distance between them, and his eyes widened. They were standing there frozen for a moment before Fitz laughed nervously.

“Yeah. ‘Course. I want you to feel valued here...professionally.” His words started loud and tapered off at the end. Jemma wanted to roll her eyes in frustration but that would be a giveaway if anyone was observing them. Which they definitely weren’t.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Jemma took the cup and placed it on the desk by her computer. “Should we get started? I made some notes after our conversation last night.”

“Last night?” Fitz’s smile went from nervous to a lot more confident, and a stab of heat flared through her. How could he keep doing this to her? They really should have talked more about proper behavior in the lab. It was one thing to resume their relationship, but it was another thing entirely to have it impact their work. They had promised each other that it wouldn’t.

“Yes, Agent Fitz. Last night when we were discussing the project.” His expression shifted a little, became more focused and she decided the best plan was to just dive right in to work. “I had some more ideas about how to minimize the amount of dendrotoxin needed for the bullet.”

He leaned into her space to see the notes she’d made to the designs he’d given her, and after one more surge of awareness at how close he was -- and how nice he smelled -- they focused on their work, not even noticing how time was passing until Dr. Marten stopped by to check on how Jemma was settling in.

“Dr. Fitz. Dr. Simmons.” He nodded at each of them in turn. “How is your work progressing?”

Jemma opened her mouth to respond, but Fitz beat her to it.

“Wonderful. Now that you’ve finally gotten me a competent biologist to work with.”

“Ah, well, it would have been easier if you hadn’t scared everyone else away.”

Both Fitz and Dr. Marten were smiling, and Jemma felt a pang. How much simpler her life would be if she’d had that kind of easy relationship with Dr. Wiseman. She was happy for Fitz, but also a little sorry for herself.

“Fitz is easy to work with once you know what motivates him.”

With near-perfect timing, Fitz’s stomach rumbled. 

“What time is it? Did we miss lunch again?” Fitz looked down at his watch, reminding Jemma of the last time she’d seen him check the time. It was a very inconvenient reminder considering Dr. Marten was standing between them. “Guess we did.”

“You’ve been working this whole time?” Dr. Marten asked, looking between them.

“Yes, of course. We are focused on getting this project done as quickly as possible,” Jemma responded.

“I appreciate your dedication, Dr. Simmons. We only have twelve weeks budgeted for this project and then we’d like to get the night-night gun into production.”

Jemma shot a glance at Fitz, but he had already turned away. 

“That shouldn’t be a problem Dr. Marten. In fact --”

Before she could finish her thought, Fitz interrupted her. She frowned, confusion wrinkling her brow.

“We’ll do our best, Dr. Marten.” He quickly locked his computer and straightened up again. “I thought I’d show Dr. Simmons some of the best places to grab a quick bite since she’ll be here for at least the next twelve weeks.”

There was something in his tone that was a little less than sincere, but Dr. Marten didn’t seem to notice.

“Excellent idea, my boy. Make sure you take good care of her. I wouldn’t want to have to find another biochemist who’s willing to work with you.”

They laughed politely at Dr. Marten’s attempt at humor and then Jemma followed Fitz from the lab. As soon as they reached the sidewalk outside the building, she turned to him.

“Twelve weeks?” 

“Yeah. That’s, ah, standard procedure for a new project.”

He gestured to the left with a tilt of his head and they started walking. It felt lovely to be out in the fresh air. She’d never really made the time to go out to lunch, preferring to eat at her desk and continue working on reports. But with Fitz everything was different. They ended up at a small restaurant serving pizza by the slice and they each bought a piece before sitting down at a small round table with a red and white checked tablecloth.

“So…” Jemma continued the conversation they’d started outside. “Why would we need twelve weeks? This isn’t exactly a new project. You’ve actually finished most of the design and we just need to retrofit it for the specifications of the dendrotoxin.”

“Oh, yeah. I know. I think we’ll have a working prototype in a few days.” He took a bite of pizza and Jemma smiled as he ended up with pizza sauce on his lip. She shook her head and handed him a napkin.

“If you knew we’d be done, then why didn’t you tell Dr. Marten?”

Jemma felt like she must be missing something. It wasn’t like Fitz to be purposefully dishonest.

“I like having you around,” he confessed, ducking his head a little as he said it.

“I like being around you too.” 

As far as love confessions went, they weren’t the most romantic words they could have exchanged, but it was the closest they had gotten to admitting there was still something between them.

“I have five years worth of ideas to run past you. Problems I couldn’t solve on my own. Half-finished designs. I figure we can finish the night-night gun, work on some other things in our spare time, and still finish within the timeline Dr. Marten has already approved.” He gave her that half smile that made her heart pump a little faster. “And who knows, maybe we’ll have more than one finished design by the time you get reassigned. Maybe we’ll be so productive they’ll let you stay.”

“That sounds like wishful thinking.” Her voice was a little sharp and she noticed Fitz shrink away a bit. “But it’s a lovely thought. As long as we don’t _actually_ finish the night-night gun until the end of the twelve weeks, I don’t see any harm in working on some other projects. I have some questions for you too.”

Fitz raised his glass of water. “Here’s to creating the best technology SHIELD has ever seen...sometime in the next twelve weeks.”

“Together we are unstoppable,” Jemma added, clicking her glass against his.

* * *

The days and nights settled into an easy rhythm. In many ways it was if they’d never been apart. They just picked up right where they left off and those years of uncertainty and hurt feelings just melted away when they were close enough to reach out and touch each other.

After one memorable night in Jemma’s hotel room -- or more accurately, the shower in her hotel room -- Fitz suggested she just bring her things to his flat and save on the room since she wasn’t really using it anyway.

She agreed, if only out of a sense of practicality. She had left most of her things in storage anyway so she didn’t have much to bring with her, and it was silly to keep paying for a hotel room she wasn’t sleeping in.

But the closer they came to the end of their twelve weeks, the harder it became to focus on the task at hand. They were finished with all but the final report on the night-night gun, a fact that Dr. Marten seemed to be all too aware of if his questions at their last status meeting were any indication. But in addition, they had also proposed, and had approved, a set of drones that would perform many of the manual tasks that agents needed to do in the field, a hypothetical biofuel, and they had also created several other basic designs for non-lethal weapons that had been handed off to other engineering teams for further development. Work had become enjoyable again, and Jemma knew there was only one reason for that. Fitz. Working with him was so different than working with anyone else. He really listened to her ideas and helped her reason through things in a way that no one else ever had.

They were twice as smart together. Their productivity these past few months should have proved that. But Jemma wasn’t sure it would be enough. She’d had five years to prove herself and somehow she hadn’t quite managed it. This was a new office and a new boss, but it was the same SHIELD. Whatever Dr. Wiseman and Dr. Weaver had added to her file was still there, and she was afraid it said she’d wash out eventually.

It was with those thoughts stuck in her head that she waited for Fitz to come to bed. He had said he just had one more note to make. Knowing him, he might be out there all night. She’d already changed into her most risqué nightie and had definite plans for tonight, so she decided to go find him. 

“Oh, Jemma, there you are.” He was still hunched over his kitchen table, furiously typing. “I just had an idea for another drone — one that can sniff out compounds in the air. I had a few questions for you…”

His words drifted off as he looked up and his eyes moved over her. 

“I don’t think there is a dwarf named Smelly or Sniffy,” she teased, referring to his nicknames for the drones. 

“Of course not. It’s Sneezy. Obviously.” He was so adorable she wanted to hug him. Or kiss him. Or drag him back to bed with her. “So, ah, did you, ummm…”

Suddenly it was too much. She’d intended to enjoy their last night together as best she could. Truly have no regrets. But looking at him standing there, clearly wanting her — all of her, body, mind, and knowing him, soul too — she just couldn’t. 

“I have a meeting with Dr. Marten tomorrow.” She just blurted the words out and then instantly regretted it as he froze. 

“Wait...what?”

“It’s been nearly twelve weeks.” She moved closer to him but didn’t reach out to touch him, nearly sighing in relief when he did. “I assume he wants to talk about where I’ll be assigned after I...leave you.”

It was hard to get the words out around the lump in her throat. There was no reason it couldn’t be different this time, but the bitter taste of their separation still lingered as a constant reminder of the five years they’d lost. 

Fitz pulled her into a hug and she let herself fall against him. She would be strong later, but for now he could be strong for both of them.

“Make love to me?” 

She whispered the words into his shirt, so she knew he hadn’t really heard, but he still knew exactly what she needed. Perfectly in sync, as always. Fitz kissed her, hard and demanding, and she let herself forget that tomorrow everything might change. Again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Fitz is ready to walk away from SHIELD if it means he can stay with Jemma, Dr. Marten offers them another option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @agentofship for the encouragement, beta, and beautiful art!

After spending the morning reviewing Jemma’s edits to their final report, Fitz finally had enough of the tension hanging between them. Even if she’d be working with someone else, or working somewhere else, that wasn’t going to change anything. Not this time.

He was much smarter than he’d been five years ago. And he knew there wasn’t anyone else like her in the world.

“Well,” Jemma said, turning to him as the alarm on her phone went off. “I guess this is it. Time to talk to Dr. Marten and find out what SHIELD has in mind for me next.”

“Yeah.” The word escaped without him realizing what he was saying, just an automatic response. “I mean, no. No. This is ridiculous.”

He reached for her hand and she gave him a look. He knew she agreed, but he also knew she occasionally had an affinity for the rules. And going to a scheduled meeting with her supervisor definitely fell into that category. But she didn’t leave. That was something.

“I mean, why can’t we keep working together?” He raised his eyebrows, pursing his lips and looking at her pointedly. He was fully expecting to hear a carefully reasoned argument about why it would be better if they didn’t work in the same lab. Hopefully it would be because she was finally ready to admit she was in love with him and it would be better if they didn’t share a lab because then there was less risk of section 17 being an issue. Though that was probably just a fantasy. Jemma Simmons was too focused on her career, on pursuing scientific discovery, to throw it all away. Especially for him. Not like she was in love with him anyway. 

But she didn’t say anything. 

“What? You don’t have an argument for why we shouldn’t work together?”

Jemma took a step towards him, shaking her head. He thought that was a good sign, but for some reason she still looked sad, her usually bright smile noticeably absent. 

“I think by now it should be obvious that we work better together. I’ve never been so productive in my whole life than when I’m with you.”

Jemma licked her bottom lip and his eyes followed the movement.

“I’m going to talk to Dr. Marten. There has to be something we can do. I can’t lose you again.” He paused, trying not to get too riled up, but failing miserably. “Or, I’ll...I’ll quit. My career isn’t everything.” 

“Fitz!” Jemma looked horrified and for a second he felt like a knight on a white steed.

“It’s alright.” He assured her. “I’m sure I can get a job in the private sector.”

“Oh, Fitz.” Her expression softened, and he thought she was about to cross a line that they’d never crossed at work. “You can’t.”

But then there was the sound of a throat clearing and Fitz jerked his head around to see Dr. Marten.

“That won’t be necessary, Dr. Fitz. We’d hate to lose you. Dr. Simmons, you’re late for our meeting. Considering the fact that you are always at least five minutes early for meetings, I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I was on my way.”

“No worry, my dear. This actually concerns Dr. Fitz as well, so we might as well all talk about this together.”

Fitz and Jemma exchanged a look. It seemed that maybe they had been found out after all. They had been so careful. He was about to object when Dr. Marten started speaking again.

“We’ve been really impressed with your work and have a proposal for you.”

Jemma’s brow wrinkled and Fitz knew he probably looked as confused as she did. Things were changing too quickly today. If they weren’t in trouble, then he wasn’t sure what else Dr. Marten could want them both for. He was very happy in his lab, especially now that Jemma was here. As always, Jemma was the one who focused on the most important question.

“Who are _we_? 

Dr. Marten cleared his throat. “That would be Director Fury and Agent Coulson.”

* * *

“Fitz, just think about it. This is a wonderful opportunity.” 

He could almost feel the excitement coming off of her in waves. She’d been practically vibrating with energy ever since they’d met with Agent Coulson. The same Agent Coulson everyone thought was dead. Honestly, Fitz was still trying to wrap his head around that fact. He hadn’t even considered what it would be like to go into the field. Other than completely and utterly terrifying.

But...the director of SHIELD had asked him to go. Had thought that he had something to offer. He had no doubt it was his recent work with Jemma that had made all the difference.

Further, Jemma wanted to go into the field. Going into the field would mean going with her -- something he wanted more than anything.

He shot a surreptitious glance at her. She was divvying up the cartons of chinese food they’d brought home, the whole time attempting to convince him to go into the field with her. It was all a little overwhelming. Exactly what he’d always wanted, but also not enough. She was here, but they’d never actually talked about how they felt or what it all meant. In fact, he’d gotten the impression she’d assumed it would be short-lived.

“Fitz? What do you think?” 

“About what?”

He really should have been paying attention to what she was saying.

“About the offer.” She handed him a plate of food. “To go into the field together.”

“I...I’m not sure. There’s a lot to consider.”

“Well, yes, of course there is.” She nodded, taking a bite of her beef and broccoli. “There is your flat to consider. You’ll need to put your things into storage. We’d have a new team to work with. And we’d also have to consider how we’d work in a mobile lab. We wouldn’t have access to all of the resources we have now.”

“Yeah. That too.”

“Just think about it, Fitz. Traveling the world. Being involved in the real work of SHIELD. There’s just some things we can’t do at Sci-Ops.”

“You’re right.” He nodded, swallowing. “Of course you are. It’s just that I’m really happy working in the lab. Dr. Marten is a great boss. And I think I might be up for another promotion soon…”

As he spoke he saw some of Jemma’s excitement fade and he hated that he was the cause of it. But they weren’t a couple and this decision would affect the rest of his life, the same as it would hers. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just say yes because it would make her happy. What if in a month or a year, things between them fell apart? And even if it wasn’t what he wanted, he’d be stuck with the consequences of the decision that he made today. 

“I understand. I just don’t know if they’d only want one of us. It seemed like it was our work together that impressed them so much. Director Fury actually knows us _by name_.”

“Hold on.” Fitz held up a hand. “I’m not saying no. I’m just saying I don’t know yet.”

“Can I convince you?”

He nodded, not sure the words would come out. The truth of the matter was that he’d do anything for her. And if she wanted him by her side there was no way he’d actually say no. Being apart had been bearable because he’d known she was out there, in a lab, safe. Knowing she was out in the field, potentially in danger and without a way to help her, would be unbearable. 

“How?”

“We’ll still be friends, right? I mean, no matter what?”

“Of course we will! Nothing could change that. Not even being apart for five years.” Jemma scooted closer to him and bumped her shoulder against his. It wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted to ask, but her emphatic answer was the most reassuring thing she could have done or said. 

“I can’t lose you again. I don’t know what I’d do if I did.”

“You’ll never have to find out.”

“It sounds so simple when you say it.”

“That’s because it _is_ simple. You’re my best friend. The best friend I’ve ever had.” Jemma was so close he could feel the heat of her body. Friendship wasn’t exactly what he felt for her. She was more than that. But if that’s what she could give him, then that was enough.

“Alright.”

She’d laid her head on his shoulder, giving him time to process everything that had happened. Simmons was always so good like that, knowing exactly what he needed. But at his words she sat up, that sparkle of excitement back in her eye as she observed him. 

“Alright?”

“I’ll go into the field with you. Someone needs to keep you out of trouble.”

She pulled him into a hug so tight he wasn’t sure he could breathe. But now that he’d made up his mind, her excitement was a little contagious. He squeezed her back. 

“You won’t regret this, Fitz.”

“I’m fairly certain I will.” But it was worth it to see her so happy and to know that at least part of it was because they were doing this together. “So I guess we can let Dr. Marten know tomorrow and —“

“I already started the paperwork.”

He gave her a look that was meant to be scolding, but he knew he failed when she leaned closer to kiss him. He let himself be swept away by the feel of her lips on his, her body pressed against him. He’d never get tired of being close to her like this. 

He pushed her shoulders so she was just far enough away for him to get a few words out. 

“Wait...section 17.”

“I don’t think anyone is watching,” she said with a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head. She tried to kiss him again, but he didn’t release her. 

“No, yeah. I know. No one is watching now. But in the field…”

“In the field someone will always be watching.”

He let his hands drop as she finally seemed to understand what he was saying. But instead of putting some space between them like he thought she’d been about to do, she rested one hand on his knee. The heat of her touch burned through his trousers. How was he supposed to work beside her day after day and not feel this way?

“No regrets.” The words were whispered so softly he hardly heard them, wasn’t even sure if he was meant to. 

But then they were both moving and his arms were around her and everything was right again. Even if it was just for one more night. Whatever hopes he’d had, whatever dreams he’d had of them being together, of pretending the rules didn’t apply to them or just walking away altogether, were dashed by this one decision. The field was no place to flaunt the rules. Staying safe and staying together was more important. 

He kissed her like it was the last time, opening to her probing tongue as the kiss went on and on. He clung to her, his last anchor in a sea of uncertainty. He had to believe everything would be alright. They’d still have science and each other. What more did he need?

After only a fleeting thought for their unfinished dinner, he pulled her into his lap. Jemma moved her hands to his face, cupping his cheeks gently as she settled over him. Her kiss was sweet, but the way she moved restlessly against him was anything but. Fitz stroked the skin that was bared by her blouse riding up. Just a tantalizing glimpse of skin. But he moved his hand higher as she leaned into his touch. 

“Touch me,” she whispered. It was quiet in his flat and the familiar space was a respite from the rest of the world. He wasn’t sure why they were whispering, but he liked it. 

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

With the lightest touch, he stroked his fingers over her stomach and across her ribs, tracing each one as he went. Jemma’s fingers went to his shirt, efficiently unbuttoning the small buttons, before turning her attention to her blouse. He leaned forward to press kisses to her skin as it was uncovered, his hands cupping her breasts through the fabric of her bra. 

“Please, Fitz.”

Jemma wiggled impatiently and he hissed out a breath. She was going to be the death of him. But it would be worth it. 

She shrugged off her blouse and reached behind her to unhook her bra, but Fitz kept his hands over the lacy cups. He licked his way across the tops of her breasts, where they spilled over the cups, his hands pushing them higher, and darted his tongue inside to tease at her nipples, already hardened into points.

He wanted to savor her. Go slow and make it last as long as he could. An impossible task really. The more he touched her and heard her sighs and moans, the less likely he was to make it last once he finally got inside her. But he’d deal with that when they got there. 

“Off.” Jemma tugged at his t-shirt and he let her go long enough to remove his shirt and pull his t-shirt over his head. Once his eyes met hers she let her bra fall from her arms. He resisted the urge to look down, studying her face instead. Her eyes were bright and she was a little flushed, desire clearly her primary motivation. “Want you now.”

He normally didn’t argue with her about something like this. Something they both wanted. But he had every intention of taking his time...right up until the moment she shimmied out of the rest of her clothes and sank to her knees.

“Jemma… I don’t think —“

He wanted to tell her to stop, to spend all night making love, but with one of her hands pulling down his zipper and the other tracing his erection through his trousers, words refused to form. 

“Oh, fuck.” His hips jerked and he was almost painfully hard as he helped her pull down his trousers and pants. 

She was still on her knees between his legs, one hand braced on his thigh and he couldn’t do anything but watch as she licked the length of his cock, swirling her tongue around the head before taking him in her mouth. His hand tangled in her hair, not sure if he was trying to keep her in place or push her away. She bobbed her head and he focused on not thrusting into her mouth.

“Jemma...wait,” he panted. He was losing control and he didn’t want to. He wanted to wait for her. “Can’t...I can’t --”

But she didn’t stop. His, admittedly feeble, attempts to stop her only seemed to make her tongue move faster over him, his control only a thin thread that she had stretched to its limit.

His eyes were fixed on her, smooth skin and soft curves, and he was hit again by how lucky he was to have her. She might not feel the same way about him that he felt about her, but he knew she cared about him. And when Jemma cared about something she put all of her energy into it.

He tried once more to stop her, and then let go, pulsing his release into her mouth as she swallowed around him. He felt drained and exhausted in a satisfied sort of way. Jemma kept moving slowly, more gently now, and he patted her hair, trying to show her how much he loved her.

“Not fair.”

“Hmmm?” 

He reached for her arms to pull her back onto the couch beside him. “I wanted to be inside you.”

She pressed a light kiss to his lips. “There’s still plenty of time.”

Oh. Well, it seemed that they were on the same page after all. Sometimes it felt like she could read his mind.

“Your turn, then.” She gave him a small smile he might have described as satisfied. Though he knew once she actually was satisfied, she’d look a lot more relaxed. “Lay back.”

He guided her back so she was laying on the couch, one foot resting on the floor and the other leg up over the back of the couch. She was already so wet, her desire obvious. He couldn’t understand how she could be so turned on just from getting him off. She was perfect and beautiful...and needed to be cherished. She had been right, of course. He was glad his own need had abated so he could devote all of his attention to her. She was watching him, her eyes slightly hooded, and he felt heat on his neck as he thought about how he could best please her. Her body, spread beneath him, beckoned his mouth. He tried to get comfortable, but there wasn’t nearly enough space. Doing the best he could, he slid his hands under her arse and licked across her folds, tasting her and listening for her little sounds of pleasure. 

She moaned and tensed her muscles as he dove back in, focusing on her clit as he kneaded her arse. Her fingers tangled in his curls, making him glad once again that he’d never gotten around to cutting it shorter. He knew it made him look young, but it was worth it to feel her tighten her fingers and guide him right where she needed him.

As he set about making her moan in pleasure, he moved his tongue against her clit and then left a line of kisses across her thighs as she squirmed and tried to move him back. He memorized her taste and smell, the feel of her skin, and the sounds she made. He’d spent so much time worried about losing her that he knew these last months had been a gift. He was very intimately acquainted with all the ways to make her happy, and the light at the end of the tunnel was that one day they would no longer be in the field. 

One day he could tell her how he felt and not be worried that SHIELD would come between them. 

He alternated teasing her clit with kissing and licking her more gently until she tugged roughly on his hair and moaned his name. His cock twitched in response and he was suddenly grateful for her planning. He moved his tongue faster, setting a challenge for himself. Her cries became louder, and she arched her body off the couch. He redoubled his efforts as unintelligible words spilled from her lips. She must be close. 

With a squeak, her muscles pulsed and she pressed herself against his mouth. He lapped at her swollen flesh until she dropped back onto the couch, panting. 

“That was amazing,” she said with a sigh. 

“Not done yet.”

He wasn’t usually so bold, but she seemed pleased by his initiative. And tonight he was driven by something far too primal to just walk away. He crawled back up her body, settling between her thighs. He was fully erect again and he positioned himself at her entrance, filling her completely when she wrapped her legs around his waist. 

Familiarity allowed them to move together without any awkward adjustments. Fitz held himself over her, proud that his arms only shook a little bit from the effort, as Jemma’s arms and legs wrapped around him, holding him close. His thrusts were quick and controlled, her grip on him not allowing a greater range of motion. 

It was everything he wanted. Their eyes were locked on each other and the smile on her face was full of joy. They were both close enough not to need much other stimulation, but he leaned on one elbow, shifting his weight so he could tease her nipple with the fingers of one hand. 

“Oh, Fitz.”

Of all the ways she said those words — with fondness, exasperation, excitement — the way his name sounded when she was about to orgasm was the absolute best. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on her, pressing her lips to hers. He moved his hips faster and she moved to meet him as best she could on the couch. 

When her channel pulsed around him she kissed him harder, her grip on his shoulders a little painful. He was probably going to be sore in the morning, but it was totally worth it. 

“Come for me, Fitz,” Jemma whispered into his ear. He’d do anything she wanted, within reason, and this was certainly no hardship. Thrusting his hips one last time, he came, blood rushing through his ears and her name on his lips.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going into the field changes their relationship in ways Jemma hadn't predicted, but an alien virus might just give her the push she needs to set things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had meant to post this on Wednesday...but life and all that. There is only 1 more chapter after this (!!) which I'll post on Saturday.
> 
> Thanks again to the amazing @agentofship <3

From the moment they stepped foot on the Bus, they’d been running from one project to the next without a moment’s rest. 

It was wonderful. Everything she could have dreamed of. Or almost.

Fitz had been distant — as distant as he could be in a lab so small they could hardly move without bumping into each other. But whenever she found him in her personal space, he quickly moved at least an arm’s length away. As if he sensed her and immediately fled.

A look over her shoulder showed Fitz bent over his desk, fingers moving quickly over his tablet. The memory of his hands on her burned through her, hot and fast, and she focused on her work again before he could catch her ogling him. She hadn’t quite understood why he’d pulled away from her. They obviously couldn’t flaunt their relationship in front of the rest of the team. But she honestly didn’t think Ward or May cared in the slightest. Agent Coulson treated them as a unit already, which was something of a comforting feeling. Even if Fitz wasn’t acknowledging their relationship, there was some reminder that they’d been something more. Skye was the only member of their team who seemed to take any interest in the relationships of her co-workers, which Jemma was slightly more grateful for than she should be. 

“So which one of you is more in denial today?” Jemma jumped as a voice spoke from right behind her.

“Skye! You startled me.” She glanced around and saw that they were alone. She’d been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn’t even noticed Fitz leave. “I thought you were training with Ward.”

Skye sat beside her, laptop in hand. “Finished. It’s already after noon.”

“Is it?”

“Spending another day pining over Fitz?” 

Skye gave her a sympathetic look. They didn’t have much in common, but even after a short time together Jemma treasured her friendship. There were things she could tell Skye that she couldn’t tell anyone else. And Skye wasn’t a SHIELD agent. Not yet, at least, so she wasn’t overly concerned about the rules. 

“No. Of course not. We’re friends.”

“I know you keep saying that, but the way you two look at each other isn’t how friends act.” Skye was studying her, so Jemma kept herself busy transferring the sample. “It’s like you have some sort of psychic bond.”

Part of her felt lighter whenever Skye dropped by to press her about her relationship with Fitz. It was so normal. A break from the life or death circumstances they found themselves in every day. But it also gave her hope. Hope that Fitz cared for her. Hope that they could be together. Hope that he had a reason for not touching her or being near her that wasn’t because he’d changed his mind.

Jemma rolled her eyes. “We work well together. Something that has been very useful for the team.”

“Right. The team.” 

Skye hesitated, and Jemma knew this was her opportunity to confess, to confide in her. To tell someone else the whole story. But for some reason she couldn’t. It was easier to lock it all away and not bring those feelings back to the front of her mind. And what if Skye looked at her with pity after hearing the whole convoluted tale? She wasn’t ready to let go of the idea of being with Fitz. Not yet.

So she stayed silent.

“Right. Well, Coulson asked me to do some digging, so I’ll just get back to that.” Skye patted Jemma’s shoulder. “If you want to talk, I’m here.”

“I know.” Jemma cleared her throat. “Thank you, Skye.”

Skye’s footsteps faded and Jemma sank onto the stool. Why was being his friend so hard? She’d never had a problem with boundaries in relationships before. But like everything else with Fitz, this was different. They still worked together as well as they ever had -- finishing each other’s sentences, being able to build on the other’s ideas -- but it was like there was a wall between them. A wall that she was now afraid to breach, in case she didn’t like what was on the other side. She was every bit as careful as he was to keep her distance from him. But for her, it was because it would be too hard to stop. She hoped it was the same for him, but she had to consider that maybe they really were just friends. Maybe their time together had been fun for him, but now it was over.

That would be awful, but she’d get over it. Get over him. What was so difficult right now was the uncertainty.

* * *

The following weeks didn’t bring a greater sense of certainty where Fitz was concerned. But it did bring some clarity about being in the field. It was intense and stressful. So very, very stressful.

“You want a cup of tea?” Jemma looked up and met the blue of his eyes. “You’ve been, ah, rubbing your head. Thought some tea might help.”

“Yes, of course. Tea would be lovely.”

She gave him a smile as he left the lab, and then Jemma turned to the new samples she had to analyze. This was the most exciting work she had done yet, and her years in San Francisco had prepared her well. Brain cells from the firemen who had died. She prepped the slides and looked through the microscope, hoping there would be something to shed some light on what had killed them. She had some ideas, but without evidence it was just wild speculation.

Peering into the microscope, she fiddled with the knobs until it came into focus and then projected the image onto the large screen. This was her specialty and the perfect opportunity to show everyone why she was here. Not just as half of the science team. Not as FitzSimmons, but just as herself.

Fitz had been gone longer than he should have to make tea. He must have gotten distracted again. Hopefully it hadn’t been Skye who had caught his interest. It had seemed like he was trying to flirt sometimes, and it sent a pang through her even though Skye had made sure Jemma knew where she stood on the issue. 

She saw movement from the corner of her eye, so fast she almost missed it. But there was definitely something unusual about the sample. She reached for the intercom.

“Sir, I think I’ve discovered something. Could you come down to the lab?”

* * *

Standing at the edge of the plane, looking down at the clouds, Jemma felt at least a little bit at peace. Science had failed her. Logic and reason had failed her. Her own mind and body had failed her. 

But Fitz hadn’t. He’d been beside her the whole time, giving her hope long past the point she’d been ready to give up. And for his troubles he’d probably been infected as well. All she could hope for now was that she’d buy him enough time with what she was about to do. 

The one thing that had become clear as they’d worked, so close she could have leaned into his heat if she dared, was that she was in love with him. Probably always had been. It hadn’t been the excitement for a future on her own that had sustained her over the years. It had been her love for him. That fire inside her that ached for him in the best of ways and desired only his happiness. The way they were together — somehow better than they were apart — gave her solace. She didn’t need the words to know he felt something. 

At a sound behind her she turned her head, not surprised that Fitz was racing towards her. He never gave up. She loved that about him. But today she’d be the one to save him. Before she could change her mind and throw herself in his arms one last time, confess her feelings and burden him with the aftermath of that confession, she turned back and let the sky take her. 

The wind whipped past her, she was falling so fast she couldn’t do anything except feel. She held onto an image of Fitz in her mind — blue eyes, inquisitive expression, kiss-swollen lips. If that was her last thought, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She’d be gone before she had time to feel any pain. 

Arms closed around her and for a second she thought Fitz had jumped as well. She wanted to scream at him. This was her sacrifice to make. Not his. But then there was a pinch in her leg and she caught a glimpse of Ward before everything went dark.

* * *

Hours had passed before she had a chance to take a hot shower and wash away the stress of the day. Her heart hadn’t stopped racing since she’d woken up on the deck of a small fishing boat, soaking wet, but still alive. Ward had been there, but she’d hardly seen him. All she could think about was getting back to Fitz. But she hadn’t seen him when Coulson had come to collect them, or when she’d been called into a debrief -- which had honestly seemed more like a scolding. She deserved it, but that didn’t mean she appreciated wasting time that she’d rather spend in Fitz’s arms, the place she needed to be before she would feel safe again.

But now she was standing outside his bunk, fist hovering inches from the closed door. Her instinct had been to tell him everything as soon as she had a chance. Having that opportunity nearly taken from her had only made it so much clearer that she needed to do it. But as the initial terror had started to fade, a different sense of calm came over her. He hadn’t given her any indication that there was anything between them but friendship at this point. Fitz was the kind of person who would risk his life for a friend, so that didn’t necessarily point to any sort of deeper feelings. And even if it did, he had been clear with his distance that it wasn’t something he was interested in pursuing right now. And she had to respect that.

She let her hand fall and his voice immediately sounded from the other side of the door.

“Come in.”

She stepped inside and slid the door closed behind her, needing a moment alone with him. He patted the bed beside him, and she sat carefully, leaning into his warmth.

“Thank you, Fitz.”

His arm came around her and he pulled her into a hug. 

“I didn’t do anything. You figured it out...and Ward jumped after you.” There was a tone in Fitz’s voice that she didn’t quite understand. It almost sounded like the way he used to talk about Milton. Either way, he was wrong. 

“That isn’t true! You were the hero today.” He gave her a look, and she let herself study his face. He was the same as always. Maybe a few more lines of worry on his face, but otherwise he was still the boy she’d met so long ago. “You were the one who kept me going when I thought I couldn’t. You were the one who gave me hope.”

They were both frozen, looking into each other’s eyes and she thought something passed between them. A few weeks ago she would have pushed him back onto the bed and molded her body to his, but now she was less certain about the right path. Instead she pressed a kiss to his cheek, lingering far longer than was strictly friendly, but not so long that he’d be uncomfortable with her affection.

“Jemma, I --”

‘Fitz --”

They spoke at the same time and then both fell silent. 

“Sorry, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’m just still running on adrenaline.” She sat up straight to put some distance between them. “I’ll probably crash soon. I should get back to my bunk.”

“You aren’t making me uncomfortable. You should stay.” Fitz’s arm snaked back around her shoulders and pulled her back down beside him. “I was...worried about you. I can keep an eye on you. Make sure you’re alright.”

Jemma settled beside him, soaking up whatever comfort he wanted to offer her. It was a sorry state of affairs when she was willing to take scraps. But this was Fitz. Any part of Fitz was better than everything from someone else.

“Thank you.” Her words were soft, but his arms tightened around her, so she was certain he’d heard.

“How are you feeling?” 

She closed her eyes, as he stroked a hand through her hair, the gentle touch grounding her in a way nothing else had.

“Better now.”

He shifted so they were laying down in his bed and she followed him, resting her head on his chest as his hand returned to her hair. She was feeling drained, as she knew she would once the danger had passed, but she’d held out longer than she’d thought. She had clearly been waiting for this -- for him. She felt relaxed and at peace, something she shouldn’t be feeling given the day she’d had.

They lay there in silence, and the air became more charged as time passed. It felt like this was the moment for her to act, to say the words that were ready to burst from her. But the more seconds that ticked by, the harder it became to say something. Fitz seemed to be waiting for her, though she couldn’t see his face. The steady beating of his heart under her hand lulled her into silence...and finally into sleep.

When she woke, she was met with silence and a darkened room, but Fitz’s arms were still wrapped around her, and she was holding onto him tightly as well. She honestly had no idea how they had managed to fall asleep like that, though she was glad they had. Just his presence beside her made her feel more secure and safe than she’d felt since they’d started this journey into mystery.

It also made her acknowledge how much she needed him. If the pattern they’d fallen into continued, that would be alright. At least he was here. The only outcome that was completely unacceptable was if they somehow managed to ruin the relationship they’d been holding onto. She wanted him as so much more than a friend, but for now their lives were too cluttered to devote much time to that anyway. She wasn’t sure how many more moments of fear and panic she could get through without everything coming spilling out, but for now she’d keep it all safely inside.

His chest was still rising and falling in a predictable pattern and she allowed herself a few more moments with him. As long as he was asleep, it wasn’t like she could make him uncomfortable. 

Once the minutes stretched out before her, she started to carefully untangle herself from the warm cocoon of his arms. She was awake now and it wouldn’t do for someone to find her snuggled up beside Fitz. He didn’t stir as she slid off the bed, daring only to reach back, and smooth a hand over his curls. They’d gotten longer since they’d gone into the field.

“I love you, Fitz.”

She whispered the words, not worried that she’d wake him. She knew him well enough to know that only the promise of food would get him out of bed before he absolutely had to. Well, food or sex. But that wasn’t something they were doing right now.

She turned away before she changed her mind, sliding the door open and peeking out into the corridor before making her way back to her room. She had a lot to think about. Going into the field had been her dream, especially after years of frustration being in the lab without Fitz. But now she was less certain about her priorities. They were doing a lot of good, helping the team, and doing important research. But her thoughts turned more often to what her life after this might look like. Fitz hadn’t even wanted to go into the field. He’d done it for her, she was certain of that. At the time that fact had made her happy, but now it just made her feel guilty. They’d almost lost each other forever, without even getting a chance to figure out what they could really be together.

Because the truth of the matter was that she had regrets. She regretted every moment she hadn’t spent with him, every time she’d resisted the urge to text or call, and every part of her regretted not just telling him how much she loved him.

She was a coward. She’d never thought of herself that way before, but it was ridiculous that it was easier for her to jump out of a plane than to tell Fitz how she felt. It wasn’t the words themselves. She was sure of them, and they’d come easy as long as he wasn’t conscious. Maybe she _should_ just tell Skye everything and get a second opinion. Skye would probably tell her to stop wasting time and just tell him. But Skye seemed to be a bit of a romantic. Jemma knew she and Fitz were more logical than that. 

Love wasn’t always enough. Even if she hoped one day it would be.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another mission and another disaster finally force Fitz and Jemma to tell each other how they really feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to post the last chapter of this fic! Thank you to everyone who has been reading along. I love you <3
> 
> I owe so much to @blancasplayground and @agentofship. This fic started as a kink bingo square, and now almost a year later, plus the @WIPBigBang, it is finished.
> 
> Extra special thanks to Sabrina for the beautiful art and for making sure all my words make sense.

Working with her was getting more and more difficult every day. Not that Fitz thought anyone else had noticed. But he felt the tension between them getting thicker with every passing moment. Ever since the day she’d almost died -- threw herself out of a plane to give the rest of them a chance -- it had been harder and harder to ignore his feelings. He’d known they couldn’t really move forward with their relationship as long as they were in the field, and while he hoped she’d want to be together in a more permanent way, they hadn’t actually talked about it.

But when he’d asked her to stay, she had. He hadn’t slept that night, content just to hold her and imagine what their life could be like.

His heart had broken a little when she slipped away, but then he’d heard her words.

She loved him. She had no reason to say it if she didn’t mean it. And the fact that she hadn’t told him directly actually made it easier for him to accept. There had been no masking her feelings to save his or to ensure they could continue working together. It was a revelation and helped him slot his world back into order. It gave him hope that one day she’d say those words when she thought he could hear them.

In the meantime he observed her, looking for signs of her love. Once he’d started paying attention, he saw it everywhere -- in the way she looked at him, how she considered his thoughts even when she clearly thought he was wrong, and in her gentle, if fleeting, touches. He was nearly driving himself crazy with wanting to tell her, to demand that she tell him again so they could get it all out in the open. But the timing never felt quite right.

They were on yet another mission, this time he was in a train car with Skye monitoring the rest of the team. Everything was going to plan, which Fitz had come to realize was generally the moment right before things went horribly wrong. Just as he was wondering what could possibly go wrong this time -- at least Jemma was with Coulson so she was safe -- he lost the feed.

“Skye! Any ideas?”

She quickly tapped the keys on her laptop. “Nope.”

“Bloody hell! Why does this happen every single time?”

It was obviously a rhetorical question and Skye ignored him as he paced, waiting for the problem to be resolved. But then the door flew open and Jemma appeared, a man close behind her. 

“Run,” she screamed, before turning to cover the weapon in the man’s hand with her body. His heart stopped as she collapsed to the floor. Oh, no, no, no, no. Why did Jemma always have to be so brave and selfless? He’d rather be the one to sacrifice himself. Much better than trying to live without her. And now it was too late to say all the things he needed to tell her. Too late to tell her he loved her. Too late to tell her he wanted them to be together — just the two of them — more than he’d ever wanted this. SHIELD, the field, even more than science. He’d give it all up to have her. 

He’d been an idiot. They’d already had so many close calls it had been foolish to believe that they’d have time. He should have told her when he’d had the chance. And now it was too late. He’d give anything to go back and have a chance to do it all over again.

Ice filled his veins as he was overcome with an anger he hadn’t felt before. Anger at himself, at SHIELD, at the circumstances they’d found themselves in yet again. 

He turned to the man, needing to hurt him for hurting Jemma, and found himself on the floor instead. Luckily, Skye was there and before he could get back into the fight, the man was unconscious. He scrambled over to where Jemma lay, not seeing any blood, and fumbled around trying to find her pulse. Hope raced through him. Hope was all he had left to cling to. A pattern of blue over her face and the strong pulse beating beneath his fingers calmed him a bit.

“Is that an ICER?” Skye asked, coming up behind him.

“Looks like it’s aerosolized. That’s not our tech.” He somehow managed to keep his voice mostly even, careful not to betray the depth of his feelings. 

“We have to hide him. Jemma too. We’ve lost our eyes and ears.”

“Yeah. Yeah, right.”

They dragged the man out of sight and Fitz grabbed for his ICER, firing two shots straight at his chest. 

“That’s for Simmons.” He wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon. Which was good, because if he did, then Fitz would be forced to punch him. 

“Can you help me move her?” Skye was bent over, trying to drag Jemma out of sight. 

“Yeah. Hold on.” 

Together they moved Jemma safely out of the way and Fitz grabbed his extra ICER to leave with her so she could defend herself when she woke up. He hated to leave her. How could he when he had so much he needed to say? But they still had a mission. A mission that he supposed was more important right at this particular moment. For all he knew the rest of the team might be in greater danger than they were. He bent down to feel for her pulse again, trying to reassure himself that they still had time to say everything that needed to be said. When Skye turned around to gather her things, Fitz pressed a kiss to Jemma’s temple, whispering, “I love you. And when you wake up I’m gonna tell you again.”

Once again their lives weren’t quite their own, and this time he vowed not to let another day go by without telling her. They could make this work. They had always been better together. And if they couldn’t make it work, then maybe the field wasn’t the place for him anyway. Constantly living in fear of losing her wasn’t doing him any good. Jemma could probably tell him exactly what the effects of all the extra stress on his body were, but he didn’t need her to tell him it wasn’t good.

* * *

By the time the team was back together again, their whole world had changed. Skye had been shot and might not survive. He’d made mistakes he was ashamed of, first and foremost being letting Skye go after Quinn on her own. And now Jemma was as close to breaking as he’d ever seen her. Her voice was tight as she answered Coulson, and Fitz ached for her, feeling every bit of her pain and wishing he could take it away from her. If Skye’s life hadn’t been on the line he’d have told Coulson exactly what he thought about him putting Jemma in this situation. She wasn’t even an actual medical doctor and they were all acting like it was her responsibility to perform a miracle and save Skye.

But at this moment none of that mattered. Jemma rushed from the room to go clean up, and he slipped away as soon as he could without drawing too much attention to himself. Everyone’s focus was on Skye, and they certainly wouldn’t miss him. 

Jemma wasn’t difficult to find, and as soon as he got close enough he put a hand on her shoulder. What happened next was up to her. He’d follow her lead and be the friend that she needed. And if she wanted something more than that, he’d be willing to do that too.

Without a word, she turned and fell into his arms, tucking her head against his chest as the tears fell. She was shaking with emotion, and he smoothed her hair, muttering soft words to calm her. She held her hands up awkwardly, trying to not touch him, and while he normally would have appreciated her efforts not to get any blood on him, right now he didn’t care. He was happier than he would ever admit out loud that it wasn’t her blood. Skye was his friend and he needed her to be okay, but if it had been Jemma lying there motionless, he didn’t know what he’d do. He could be strong for Jemma right now, but he knew he couldn’t be strong at all without her. 

He wrapped his arms around her more securely and she finally relaxed against him. 

“Fitz,” she sobbed his name and his heart squeezed a little bit more. “I can't do this anymore.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” He released her and tried to step back. He’d clearly misunderstood her. She must not love him as anything more than a friend and the last thing she needed right now was for him to push her into something she was uncomfortable with. 

But she didn’t let go. 

“I can’t pretend...that you aren’t everything to me.”

She was still talking into a wet spot on his shirt where her tears had fallen and he tipped up her chin so he could see her expression. 

“Are you sure?” He wouldn’t blame her if she just wanted someone to hold onto right now. It had been quite the day. 

“Sure? Of course I’m sure.” She rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes and he saw a bit of her usual fire. “You were my first. My first time. My first love...and I guess I never really got over you. I think...I think Dr. Weaver was right, that we needed some time to figure out who we were without each other. But now I know, and I choose you. I’ll always choose you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t keep it inside anymore —“

He cut her off with a kiss, too happy to form words, but before she could respond, he pulled away. “I love you. I love you, Jemma. Just you. Always.”

Then they were kissing again and finally there were no more secrets between them, no more of themselves that they were trying to keep hidden. Her hands fisted in his shirt and he dragged her hips closer to him. Nothing had ever felt as good as being with her and right now was no exception. It didn’t matter if the rest of their world was crumbling at their feet, they were stronger together. 

Jemma pushed up on her toes and moved her hands to the back of his head, holding him in place. Not that he had any intention of moving. He traced his tongue over her lips and then dropped kisses over her face, hesitating at the salty residue of her tears. 

“Kiss me,” she said, her eyelashes fluttering. 

Who was he to argue with her?

He captured her lips again and she deepened the kiss, exploring all of him again. In the weeks they’d been in the field it was like they had only been living a shadow of their lives. They’d fallen back into the habit of struggling along on their own instead of being together in all the ways they knew how. 

He broke the kiss and Jemma rested her head on his shoulder, nuzzling against his neck. It felt so comfortable, so right, that he felt bad about disrupting her moment of peace. 

There was so much more they should talk about, but for now he just needed one answer from her. 

“So what do we do now?”

“Well, I think now we should go back to my bunk —“ There was a gleam in her eye that made his heart beat a little bit faster. 

“Jemma.” He tried to scold her, but knew he’d failed when she smirked at him. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I don’t know what comes next. I just know that whatever it is, I want it to be with you.”

“That’s good. That’s really good. I mean, me too.” Jemma just watched him stumble all over his words without interruption, and he finally kissed her quickly just to stop himself from talking. 

Jemma reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. “I wasn’t teasing about wanting to go back to my bunk.”

“What about section 17?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t think Coulson cares.” Jemma frowned. “He seems to think we’re secretly dating anyway. And if they want to separate us, we can just quit. Like you said before. I’m sure our skills would be valued by plenty of other organizations.”

“I love you.” Now that he’d actually said it out loud, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop. It was the thing in this life he was most certain about. Science and Jemma were the only things he could count on.

“I love you, too.”

Using her grip on his hand, she started to lead him back to her bunk. There were still a lot of things they hadn’t figured out — and Skye was still in danger — but there was nothing they could do to save the world right now. 

They deserved a little peace, a little time to figure out who they were together. And this time there really would be no regrets.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr @LibbyWeasley


End file.
